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Writing IELTS : In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places


akbarrrr5 1 / 1  
Apr 3, 2013   #1
Help me for review, please for comment.

In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

Smoking is one problem in our lives. Some countries, such as Canada, Netherland, and the United Kingdom, have resulted regulations to protect their citizens from hazard of a cigarette. In my experiences, if a person wants to smoke, he should leave from a room where public stay there. I agree with the statement. I will describe further below my reasons.

Many problems are caused by a small roll of tobacco such as heart attack, lung cancer, and skin cancer. Cigarettes compromise not only active smokers but also people who are living together with smokers (passive smokers). For example, My uncle had a problem with his lung. He had got bronchi surgery eight months ago because he worked in the smoking lover environment. Most of his workmates were active smokers. Moreover, as an addicted smoker should respect with their social friends. Smoke lovers are better to search a safe place to smoke. In malls or office buildings have a place to enjoy smoking such as a balcony and a yard.

Furthermore, other effects of smoking are creating pollutions to the environment. Smoking activities produce smoke that may develop the damage of facilities in a building, a classroom, or an office room. In the smoke of a cigarette contains harmful chemicals such as nicotine, carbon dioxide, and methanol. They spoil walls or timber parts of the building. The color of partitions turn to dull color. The wooden doors over times will be brittle. Then the glass of windows in the building will be dirty. Further, office staffs or cleaning services have to maintain the building regularly. It is a high price for the cleaning cost.

On the other hand, smoking is an independent activity. The public should understand if smokers demand smoking right.
In conclusion, smokers should move to smoking area when they want to enjoy it. Bad effects may be appeared by the smokers to everybody.

sulas - / 4 1  
Apr 3, 2013   #2
This writing has answered the question with coherence and cohesion between paragraph. The essential vocabularies also attacthed, so readers are easy to follow the logical orders. according my teacher it's great.
OP akbarrrr5 1 / 1  
Apr 3, 2013   #3
Thank you very much for your review.

Any can help me? perhaps, there are still many mistakes.
sulas - / 4 1  
Apr 3, 2013   #4
Yap...brother, I have just asked my teacher about your writing essay. He says that your writing should be marked a score of 6.5.
ningo 22 / 53 9  
Apr 3, 2013   #5
. I agree with the statement. I will describe further below my reasons.

Which statement? You need point out your view with the topic. This is my thought:
From my point of view, it is surely necessary for smokers to leave the building when smoking with a plenty of reasons.

Smoke lovers

smoking lovers

In malls or office buildings have a place to enjoy smoking such as a balcony and a yard.

People who wish to smoke can look for some spaces in malls or office buildings such as balconies, yards...

In the smoke of a cigarette contains harmful chemicals such as nicotine, carbon dioxide, and methanol.

In the smoke of a cigarette, it contains numerous harmful chemicals: nicotine, carbon dioxide, methanol...
tonejit - / 4  
Apr 3, 2013   #6
my essay coach feels your essay is good
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 3, 2013   #7
Smoking is one problem in our lives.

Smoking is an issue that causes many negative effects to our society.

Some countries, such as Canada, Netherland, and the United Kingdom, have resultedintroduced regulations to protect their citizens from hazard of a cigarettes .

. In my experiences opinion, if a person wants to smoke, he should leave from a room where public stay there.

In my opinion, a person who needs to smoke, should not do it in a public place.

I will describe further below my reasons.

.... I think this line is not necessary.

Many problems are caused by a small roll of tobacco such as heart attack, lung cancer, and skin cancer.

Smoking causes many serious sicknesses such as lung cancer, skin cancer, heart attacks etc.


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