HI , I have a small doubt. Its given as minimum of 250 words which means they include counting even ( in , a , the , I ) or they omit such connectives. I just have 40mins to complete this essay . So , please I really appreciate if you can tell me my faults and how much will you rate this essay score on a scale of 10 .
Q : In many countries today insufficient respect is shown to older people . what do you think may be the reason for this. ? what problems might cause this in the society .
A : Contrary to the yester years where , aged persons are given highest priority and respect in the society , but now - a - days , in many countries older people are treated rudely and they are not getting required attention and respect. Keeping aside , for now , whether this trend is progressive or regressive , the reason why this is happening are found to be manifold .
Firstly , in my view, with the advancement of technology and human's busy life there is a huge change in people's culture and human relations . The human life has became more mechanical and stressful. They are not having enough time to spend time with their parents or grandparents who grew older with time . This loss of communication has adverse effect on human relations.
I think old people are the base and backbone of the country . They are the people full of experience and knowledge. They are the proofs and live evidences of all the changes going in the society . But , young people of present generation are in the opinion that old people are clumsy and old fashioned , and they are not much useful in this developed world, which is completely a wrong way of thinking .
Due to this kind of immature and inappropriate thinking and living habits , there will be adverse effect in the society . As every person will grow old with time and they will also have to face the same problem in their old age . Because , today's children are tomorrow's citizens and they are growing with this kind of negative and disrespectful behaviour towards old people. There will be a social imbalance and no proper guidance to their lives .
People should always respect the old persons and learn from their experiences and can guide their lives in a better way. Old people are like a lamp in darkness of your life. They show you the path and direct you with their experience to reach your destination without any hurdles. Even government should take necessary steps for them by providing special schemes and lead their life happily even in their last stage of life.
----TIME OUT------
Hi,
I can see there are quite a number of mistakes in your sentences,
Here is a few basics corrections
Contrary to the yester years where , aged persons are given highest priority and respect in the society , but now - a - days
1. Do not start the sentence with Contrary to
2. aged persons --> the elderly
3. now-a-days-> nowadays
Thanks
Contrary to the yester years where , aged persons arewere given the highest priority and respected in the society , but now - a - days , in many countries older people are treated rudely and they are not getting required attention and respect.
... there are many mistakes in this sentence. You should not write lengthy sentences as they get you carried away at the end. Pay more attention to clarity of your sentences. It's very important.
In your body paragraphs you need to support your reasons with specific examples. You haven't done that in this essay.
Hi Shan,
I am actually not a teacher to give you a band for your writing and however, I guess you could get at least 5.5 to 6.0, but please work on your grammar.
Thanks
