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Many countries invest a lot of money on art or on public services and facilities. What do you think?


Miracle0819 1 / -  
Dec 9, 2017   #1
MANY COUNTIES SPEND A LOT OF MONEY IN ART. SOME PEOPLE THINK INVESTMENT IN ART IS NECESSARY, BUT OTHERS SAY MONEY IS BETTER SPENT ON PUBLIC SERVICES AND FACILITIES. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.

some governments tend to invest in art



Currently, it has been obvious / evident that increasing governments tend to invest art. However, whether funding for the arts or in essential services and infrastructures roused a heated discussion in the public.

From someone's view, it is believed that increasing investment of art will be benefit to improve citizens' level of culture. Specifically, how to keep the cost is an artist the important one of most of consideration. To earn profits, galleries and museums have to increase tickets' price. It will make some people are not willing to visit exhibitions. If the government give some funds, more people will get chances to entrance galleries.

However, there is another argument that limited(adj.) funds ought to use in other aspect, like free education. As is well known, in the some poor regions, because of lack of money, a large number of families are disable to offer education for their children, but everyone child should have right to attain education, which require that the government offer free education chances in children's primary and high level.

As well as free education, improving facilities is also another requirement. To illustrate, Good infrastructures can ensure criticizes' health and life. For instance, cleaner water systems give a healthy environment for people, which make them reduce diseases. Besides, well transport systems make people have more convenient life, and no longer facing traffic jam. Compared with arts, it is more useful for most of citizens.

Personally, investment on public service and facilities rather than on art makes sense, due to free education and fitness facilities. As for the so-called improving people's level of culture, higher education also can have the same affect.
impatient101 8 / 17 3  
Dec 9, 2017   #2
@Miracle0819
I believe this is an IELTS discussion essay. You have some problems with grammar. You need to learn to use tenses properly. Also learn about active and passive voice and how to form these sentences.

Overall, you have been able to discuss both views and present your opinion.

From someone's view, it is believed that ...

Instead say:Many people believe that that government funding ...

As well as Along with free education,..
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Dec 10, 2017   #3
Qi Ji, everything about this essay presentation is going to make it fail. You failed to offer a proper prompt paraphrase and you did not clearly discuss the topic points of view and personal opinion in the essay. The whole essay is confusing and does not make sense. Let me start with the first problem in your essay, the first paragraph also known as the paraphrase statement.

To start off, you should never use a slash mark to indicate a choice of words in your essay. You must be decisive and confident in your word choice so that you only use one word to describe what you mean in the essay. You lose points for being apprehensive about your word choice as that removes the academic tone and presentation of your paragraph. It is also important that you learn the true use of the opening statement, that is, to prove that you understood the topic and instructions for the discussion by stating it again for the examiner in your own words. That is not what you did in this opening statement you presented. Here is a representation of a more effective opening paraphrase:

Countries have been known to allot a large part of their budget for the promotion of artistry. However, there are a number of people who believe that the money allotted to arts should be redirected towards social needs and requirements instead. This essay will discuss this topic by presenting reasons for both points of view. I will also be offering my own opinion regarding the topic towards the end of the essay presentation.

Do not use grammar identifications such as (adj.) in the presentation. That is unnecessary. The examiner knows what to look for in terms of your word usage and presentation. That makes it look like you are lecturing the examiner, which you should not be doing since you cannot know better than the person administering the test.

There are major problems with your sentence presentation, structure, and word usage. It would be best if you do not write essays yet because the mistakes in your presentation show that you do not have even a basic control of English grammar, usage, and development. Which means that the paragraphs are not coherent, does not make sense, and is not presenting itself in a manner that the reader can understand. These are the main reasons why this essay is not going to get even close to a passing score in an actual setting. Try to develop your basic English written skills first, then try to write simple essay sentences. I hope you are not planning to take the IELTS test any time soon because this essay makes it very obvious that you are nowhere near prepared to take this all too important English test.

I will stop reviewing your essay at this point because it it pointless to show you the other mistakes when you have a serious writing problem to address first. Fix the sentence presentations first then we can move on to working on the other important errors in your write. Right now, it would be useless to do that.


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