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Countries should not isolate themselves from the world but instead engage other countries.


Bullet32 1 / 3  
Dec 8, 2013   #1
Today the intensive World development have led to differences among countries in many areas. Some of them perform as high-modern ones, whereas, others are trying not to lag behind them. Such relations remind relationship between humans, therefore the question at hand is whether some country should insulate itself or instead should communicate with others. I believe that latter is a right way. I feel this due to the next crucial reasons.

For exchanging in knowledge, a communication is more preferable because you can be in touch with situation in the world. Let us pretend a novel scientific approach corresponded with solving math equation. For scholars in a constrained country it would be a disappointment to find out that they have done an existing derivation. In addition, to be familiar with achievement in science, teachers and professors should visit from time to time some conferences and meetings. However, if county would be insulated it can be a complex problem for scientists. Because of that, I think that interaction is superior to insulation.

Additionally, engagement is better because country residents can travel between them without any obstacles. By this, I mean it would not be a problem to make visa if it needed, pick up your clothes and to jerk out anywhere. For instance, people who are living in the EC can make a trip to any country from EC list such as Germany, France and so on. So one who long to know the history of these places or to visit the most popular sights as Eifel Tower or Stonehenge will find it very easy to access. Based on such facts, reciprocity is a better option than isolation.

Finally, I think that interaction is the right choice because it can boost development in the tech-nology. Let us consider car elaboration which is very quickly changing area of industry. Nevertheless, one the most important feature is safety of car. Therefore, countries who convey their novel develop-ments care about car drivers lives. Another the state-of-the-are approaches can be applied to electricity saving. Some countries now have invented new electricity map stations maintaining large population cities.

Taking everything in consideration, I feel that to engage other countries is the correct one. As we can see, there are many benefits in such way. Interaction is one of the areas governments should pay lots of their attention.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 9, 2013   #2
What is the purpose of this writing? Is it for IELTS or TOEFL? It is always better to include the purpose in the title so that it helps you earn more task related and meaningful feedbacks. Also, this thread has initially been opened in Grammar Usage forum which I moved from there to Writing Feedback which is the more appropriate forum for this type of essays. Please follow these points when you open your next thread.

Today the intensive World development have led to differences among countries in many areas. Some of them perform as high-modern ones, whereas, others are trying not to lag behind them. Such relations remind relationship between humans, therefore the question at hand is whether some country should insulate itself or instead should communicate with others.

Well.... I find a little overdone verbose effect here. It is important to display your vocabulary skills, but most important thing is to present your ideas very clearly in an interesting manner so that reader can enjoy your reading. When you have too many things crept inside one line, the reader needs to keep remembering lots of things. That is not the way to impress the reader.
OP Bullet32 1 / 3  
Dec 13, 2013   #3
dumi
thank you very much! Well, I've just registered on that forum, so I'm not familiar with all the features.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 13, 2013   #4
That's fine .... we generally tell the rules of this forum to the newbies so that they start following them with their new threads. That's the way we regulate this forum :D

Well, you still haven't said the purpose of this writing to us.
OP Bullet32 1 / 3  
Dec 16, 2013   #5
Well, you still haven't said the purpose of this writing to us

Well. this one was for the TOEFL :)
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Dec 16, 2013   #6
.... Ok, let's have a look at your introduction;

Today the intensive World development have led to differences among countries in many areas. Some of them perform as high-modern ones, whereas, others are trying not to lag behind them. Such relations remind relationship between humans, therefore the question at hand is whether some country should insulate itself or instead should communicate with others. I believe that latter is a right way. I feel this due to the next crucial reasons.

This is quite good. Generally this one is the structure (which dumi often suggests to those who prepare for TOEFL) and I find your intro has a good alignment with it. However, you can improve on the background part further.
OP Bullet32 1 / 3  
Dec 21, 2013   #7
Pahan
Thank you! Well, the hook is one of the most complex part in an introduction for me. Unfortunatelly, I spend lots of time for it. :(
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 21, 2013   #8
If the hook is so problematic for you, jut forget it and start with the background part of the introduction. You wouldn't lose marks on that as a feature, but hook can impress the examiner and that would help you with overall score. But don't waste time on that and start with the background. For that you can get lots of help from the prompt. It is only a matter of rephrasing the same idea with your own words. Go on like that and once you finish the essay and have a little free time try to think of a hook and insert it. By the time you finish the essay, you may be able to come up with a stronger hook too. :)


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