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IELTS: In many countries recently young single people have been living far from their parent


latkhan 4 / 9 3  
Aug 1, 2014   #1
In many countries recently young single people have been living far from their parent, from time they began studies or work and until they married. Do you think there are more advantages or disadvantages to this trend?

Students and workers mobility is ever increasing trend. In current economic climate it has become more common for young adults to relocate. This is often due to local circumstance or the desire to gain higher education for their later careers. I believe it advantages outweigh its disadvantages.

Perhaps, the major argument that is made in favor of this trend is financial. Typically, young people travel for better financial prospects and opportunities available to broaden their skills for their future careers. For example it is often notice and identified that the unemployment rate in rural areas is much higher as compared to urban regions due weak trade and unstable infrastructure, which results in lack of employment opportunities for young local residents. Therefore young individuals prefer to travel to different regions to achieve financial stability and gain practical experience for their later careers. [..]

Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Aug 1, 2014   #2
Students and workers mobility is an ever increasing trend.
I believe its advantages outweigh its disadvantages.

Students and workers mobility is ever increasing trend. In current economic climate it has become more common for young adults to relocate. This is often due to local circumstance or the desire to gain higher education for their later careers. I believe it advantages outweigh its disadvantages.

Well, I don't find major issues with grammar or vocabulary other than the minor points I cited above. However, I find you do not introduce your prompt to the reader properly. Your prompt is about the impact of young people not living with their parents during adolescence years. The introduction is meant for introducing your prompt to the reader and this one fails to do the job properly. That's my personal view and wait for others' comments :D
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 1, 2014   #3
I agree with Pahan. You need to stay aligned with your prompt and introduce the background of the issue in its original sense. I feel you should pay attention to what Pahan has suggested.

Perhaps, the major argument that is made in favor of this trend is financial (your sentence stops abruptly here.... you need to be more specific, otherwise the reader would be confused) gains that a student would achieve by such experience.

Another, principal argument that is made to support this trend is educational.

... you need to attend to this too :)
OP latkhan 4 / 9 3  
Aug 4, 2014   #4
Pahan and dumi thank you for your valuable feedback i totally agree with your comments that my introduction fails to do the job i believe i have misunderstood the question after going through the question again i have re-written the essay. i truly appreciate your feedback and comments

In current economic climate it has become more common for young adults to relocate, this is often due to better employment prospects or to gain higher education for their later careers. Although there are some drawbacks young individual faces living far from their home yet I believe its advantages outweigh its disadvantages.

Perhaps, the major advantage for students living by themselves is it helps them to gain practical confidence. Typically, young people, while living with their parents do not have frequent liberty to deal with practical world .For example living by own provides them the opportunity to deal with people from all walks of life and this instills the sense of confidence in young adults. A further point is that people can broaden their skills and gain hands-on experience by engaging in employment opportunities available in other regions. Therefore, it is clear that living away from home can bring significant benefits and prepare youth for their future challenges.

While there are benefits to this trend, there are also a number of potential dangers. Perhaps the most serious of these would be that young children are not mature enough to distinguish reality form fiction and can easily get influenced by bad company. For example, recent studies have shown that there is higher probability for a young person to get addicted to drugs and crime due to lack of guidance and supervision from their guardians. Thus, this shows that allowing individuals to live far from their home can not only affects their lives negatively but also harm their parents in many ways.

To sum up, my views are on par with the idea that living by own provides an adolescent person opportunity to gain confidence and learn valuable skills for their practical life which are highly beneficial for themselves and society. However parents need to pay regular visits to their children's home to monitor their activities.
OP latkhan 4 / 9 3  
Aug 4, 2014   #5
Thanks for your prompt reply and pointing out my errors definitely I'll work on it. At the moment I'm struggling to improve my writing skills as I am targeting band 8 any suggestion to improve would be a great help.
Monloi - / 1  
Aug 9, 2014   #6
Is it fine to mention immigration and having to learn new life/culture as an advantage? Or is it a bit off topic?


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