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IELTS WRITING TASK 2: In many countries, students attend private 'cram schools'...


ptnlytqnho 4 / 8 2  
Aug 31, 2018   #1
Hello everyone. Please check my essay on the below topic. Thank you so much.

attending private cram schools



In many countries, students attend private 'cram schools' for extra coaching in test-taking techniques. What is your view of this practice?

In some countries, students are fully occupied in extra classes to learn more skills used in exam after compulsory hours in their school. In my opinion, this practice would lay great stress on students due to the fact that they have to learn too much.

First, private cram schools would become an enormous burden on students. In fact, students feel tired after a long day studying at their school so they should take a rest to recharge their batteries instead of receive extra classes. If they spend much time in coaching class, they will fell exhausted, lose their enthusiasm for learning and play truant. Furthermore, they may suffer from depression because they have to learn hard to pass the test with flying colors by all means regardless of cheating on the exam.

Second, attending private cram schools would lead to shortage of leisure time. Students should take part in some after-school activities which do wonders for their development in social skills, sense of self, cooperation and communication skill. Therefore, students should not attend too much extra classes to have time to develop vital skills for future life. In addition, outdoor games like hide-and-seek, capture the flag and kick the can are an indispensable part of childhood that create many meaningful memories for children. Thus, pupils should have their free time to enjoy these activities.

In conclusion, students should not be overwhelmed by attending in private cram schools. They should have a balance blend of learning and entertaining activities to have mental and physical development.

sillyman2000 19 / 42 9  
Aug 31, 2018   #2
Good essay. Small corrections:
-instead of receive receiving
-learn study hard , study ...

Your weakness point in this essay is linking words, as I see your paragraph is not really well-structured and it's kinda inconvenient to read. Be more scrupulous next time.

P/s: I like your citing examples of outside games :D (hide-and-seek, capture the flag and kick the can). I can find myself back in the day mang :)


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