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In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods.


CASOON 2 / 2 1  
Dec 3, 2013   #1
This is my first time post , I hope anyone can help me correct my essay . By the way , anyone can told me my essay is match the tittle.

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

Essay:

Nowadays, our society have dramatically changed by globalization, which will contribute the country's economic development, therefore , we can see an increasing number of international fast foods throughout everywhere around the world. However , whether international fast foods are become more popular and it bring more harmful than good is a controversial issue. My view is that the international fast foods have really bring more negative effects to our society, especially is young generation.

Firstly, an increasing number of children are become more and more obesity, due to their eating habits are influenced by fast food outlets. They selling all unhealthy foods at low prices, which foods extremely high fat , salty and sweet , all of this can damage their healthy.

Moreover, fast food outlets are caused a great threaten of the local traditional foods. For example , Mc Donald is one of the most popular with children , it always promote pleasure and delicious foods for them. The parents in order to make their kids happy, therefore , they will always consume in fast food restaurants. In addition , the traditional restaurants due to their business are sharply decreased , consequently , they need to collapse.

That is not to say that international fast foods have obtained a large number of employment opportunities for local inhabitants, which will improve the standard of living of their families and individuals. Of course , our country also benefit, which help to contribute our country's economic development . But the parents should be more careful about their children eating habit, always consumption in fast food outlets can lead them obesity.

In summary , most fast foods are always unhealthy , therefore , the parents should be provide their children nourishing foods rather than fast foods, they are even cultivate their good eating habit. by doing we can make sure that our children will being more healthy.

Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Dec 5, 2013   #2
Nowadays, our society have dramatically changed by globalization, which will contribute the country's economic development, therefore , we can see an increasing number of international fast foods throughout everywhere around the world.

.... the middle section is not at all relevant to your idea. This is your hook and do not crowd it with too many irrelevant ideas. Your hook should be powerful to grab the reader's attention to your writing, so it should be very catchy.

However , whether international fast foods are become more popular and it bring more harmful than good is a controversial issue.

... there are grammar issues here;
However, whether international food is the best option for people in terms of health is a controversial issue.

My view is that the international fast foods have reallybringbrought more negative effects to our society, especially isfor young generation.

have brought / did bring
you need to pay more attention to grammar.


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