Some countries such as the United States and the United Kingdom have the special "gap" policy

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Some countries such as the United States and the United Kingdom have the policy that the youth should go to work or take a leisure time for a year between finishing the high school degree and starting university studies. I strongly believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

There are a lot of advantages for people doing the work in this period. The most important one is having more experience. This is important for the future student because the experience will lead the student to get the skill more than the others so that they can reach the grade better. Also, it is popularly believed that the experienced student will ready to study in the competitive surroundings. They are used to do the routines under pressure and it can be helpful for the student because living as the college student need good management skills. Furthermore, this experience will form the mentality of the hard worker to do some task that will be given when they are studying at the college.

However, some of the disadvantages should be paid more attention. Many of them are spending of the time to go to the leisure than learning new experience. Research conducted by Mrs Asuna from Tokyo University reveals that after spending most of the time in the school, the children tend to spend the time to focus on leisure. This will lead to consuming much money as well. Some complaints have been reported so far by the parents that they cannot afford the expenses because of this policy. The family also worries about their child when they are away too far. It could be dangerous for the children because it can make the children out of parent controls.

All in all, I believe that the policy about this should be revised in the future. From the points that I have mentioned before, the disadvantages are more dangerous than the advantages. The government should make the policy or instrument to control the children when they work or leisure so that the children cannot just spend their time without obtaining the experience that can be useful in the next stage of education.

(358 Words)

1) Article the is used for things that people usually multiperception or already mentioned before. If you talk about UK and US, people will think the same. Because it already refer to the place.


2) will + be


3. Your explanation look like to contradict the fact.

Hi ivan, your essay is pretty good but i think 358 words is too long, it will be better if you maintain it in 280-300 words

... experienced student will be ready to study in ...

They are used to do the routines under pressure routines and it can be helpful for ...

Many of them are spending of the time to go to the ...

Hi Mr Ivan, these are my correction for your first paragraph of you essay

1. The most important one is having more experience.
[you can replace it with 'benefit' ]
2. ...important for the future student ...
[ the student future or the future of the student ]
3. They are used to do the routines under pressure
[ the under pressure routines ]
4. living as the college student needneeds good management skills.
5. ...worker to do some tasktasks ....
[ you can replace 'do' with 'conduct' ]

goodluck