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In many countries of the world few people earn extremely high salary


sinchana 2 / 2  
Jul 27, 2016   #1
In many countries of the world few people earn extremely high salary. Some people think that, this is good for the country.Others think that, the government should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both views and give your opinion."

It has been observed in some nations that elite group of people enjoy tremendously high wages. Few people feel this pattern is recommended for growth of the country, on contrary some populaces think government should limit the salary drawn by individual. This essay discusses both pros and con's of this approach and provide a balanced opinion.

To begin with a variety of reasons can be offered to illustrate, drawing high salary is on par with the development of the country. First and foremost among these are proper recognition for once work. To have a health and harmonious environment it is essential to appraise once work and provide monetary compensation. This will eventually motivate them to climb up the ladder with enthusiasm. Generalization in measuring productivity can be hazardous due to its adverse effect on once working condition. Moreover, if there is no clear differentiation between people who extend their horizons alongside with people who work as expected, it may lead to spoiled surroundings. A relevant example I would like to draw here would be, a person who indulge in work and do an outstanding achievement gets demotivated if the employer treats everyone in the same level.

On the other hand, it is exceedingly essential for the administration of any country, to overview the salary pattern in their country. On the whole a nations progress fall in hand of every individual citizen of the nation. Furthermore, we should ensure that money doesn't lie in hands of few individuals, rather its getting circulated everywhere. It has been observed that if few sets of people have been provided with exceedingly high salary, others may get demotivated which in turn make them loose interest in their work.

In conclusion, having weighed pro's and con's without a shadow of doubt, I am inclined to believe that the advantages of rendering more salary to eligible candidate is overshadowed by the disadvantages which results in favor of county.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jul 27, 2016   #2
Hi Sinchana, welcome to EssayForum :) Before moving to my feedback, I suggest you to write a proper title and question (in bold) in order to ease us in reading and checking your essay for the next post.

Here's my analysis of your essay:

1st paragraph:
- Fewsome people feel this pattern is recommended for the growth of the country, on contrarybut some populaces think that government should limit the salary drawn by individualS . (remember, few and some are different. consider the meaning once again)

- This essay discusses both pros and con'spositive and negative effects of this approach and provide a balanced opinionfollowed by reasoned conclusion.(avoid making contractions, and unnecessary abbreviations)

4nd paragraph:
In conclusion, having weighed pro's and con'sadvantages and disadvantages without a shadow of doubt, I am inclined to believe that the advantages of rendering more salary to eligible candidate is overshadowed by the disadvantages(this is "discuss both views essay", answering like this might damage "task response" score) which results in favor of county. (don't you realize that this is just a single sentence? conclusion should consist at least 2 or three sentences per paragraph)

As you can see, I did focus on your introduction and concluding paragraph. These two paragraphs are one of the essential parts that should be considered. I hope you find my feedback is helpful towards your essay development. Good luck for the next practice :)
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jul 27, 2016   #3
Hi Sinchana, indeed, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we hope that this is just the start of our partnership. We aim to provide you with the best feedback and the most accurate in order for you to confidently submit a well written essay.

First thing that I notice in the essay is the lack of proper punctuation marks, this is very minor, if you want to call it, however, this minor set backs can definitely affect the sentences and the overall outcome of the essay.

Aside from the minor remark above, I notice that you have a very creative way of expressing your ideas and opinions which actually adds substance to the essay, not only that, you also provided a good narrative to a rather serious issue that most of us would definitely argue about. Furthermore, you made sure that the choice of words that you associate in your sentences are apt to the standard of understanding for a normal reader.

Moreover, you also made each and every paragraph, progress in a way that they follow a direct sequence and flow of idea from the previous one, this allows a continuity of idea and will help your readers to understand the essay better. Indeed, life can be sometimes unfair, however, nothing will happen if you just sit around and wait for a miracle to happen, so what we do?, we prove ourselves that we can be better than we are, make yourself your number one competition, this way you create a healthy goal to conquer life, in the end, nobody said life is easy, life is a matter of choice.
madmoiselle 21 / 33 5  
Jul 30, 2016   #4
To begin with,
drawing high salary is on a par with the development of the country.
To have a health and harmonious environment it is essential to appraise once work
This will eventually motivate them to climb up the ladder with enthusiasm tically.
due to its adverse effects on once working condition.
I would like to draw here would beis , an indulgent person who indulge in work and dowho has an outstanding achievement getsis demotivated if the employer ...

On the whole a nations progress fall in hand ...
rather its is getting circulated everywhere.
which in turn, make them loose interest in their work.
OP sinchana 2 / 2  
Aug 28, 2016   #5
Hi All,

Thanks a lot for all your constructive feedback.

@Ivy,
Your comments are really helpful which motivates and keep me drive towards my goal.

Thanks,
Sinchana
Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Aug 28, 2016   #6
Hi sinchan,

- FewSome people feel this pattern is ...
- This essay discusses both pros and con's of ...
- On the whole a nations progress fall in ...
- ... between people who extendbroaden their horizons alongside with ...

Hopefully it helps.Keep Writing
ashelarisa48 36 / 52 4  
Aug 28, 2016   #7
Hello sinchana, nice to see you in this essay forum :)
Here is my correction for you.

... con's of this approach and provides a balanced opinion.

... essential for the administration of any a country, to ...

Sorry if I just give a little feedback. Actually, as a reader, I found it was so hard to understand your point in your writing. Therefore, it will be better if you can simplify the way you write it. Good luck sinchana, keep writing..
Iforsa 35 / 54 5  
Sep 4, 2016   #8
Furthermore, we should ensure that money doesn't does not lie in hands of ... In academic writing it is better when we avoid use any contractions

In conclusion, having weighed pro's and con's without a shadow of doubt.it is repetition as you use this vocab in intro, use another like advantages and disadvantages, merit and demerit, drawbacks and benefits

overall i love you essay since you have variety of vocabulary. good job ^^


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