Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

In some countries there are more young adults than older people - advantages?

tcl1120 9 / 27  
Apr 6, 2019   #1

higher proportion of young adults in a society

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

With the advancement of modern society, the proportion of young adults is considerably higher than elderly. It is considered by some that this widespread phenomenon could constitute a positive impact to the society in terms of economic and production growth. I personally believe that the overall merits of higher population of young adults far outweigh its drawbacks. The reasons are as twofold.

From social development point of view, it is undeniable that young adults could contribute the great deal of production and motivation for economic growth. Hong Kong is a case in point. The working population of young adults is reaching to the highest at 53% among the community. The short term economic stimulation is definitely constructive for social development. Also, this phenomenon could alleviate the financial burden in term of elder caring. Thus, it is obvious why young immigrants are popular for country development.

From individual point of view, the atmosphere of living style and working culture could also be enhanced. Youngsters are dynamic and energetic, who enjoy adventure and creation. As a result, the working efficiency and effectiveness could be enhanced by their unique and special personalities and characteristics. One particularly salient example is that many innovation companies would launch their headquarters at prominent city with overwhelming population of young adults. It could benefit to the technology and innovation sectors' development.

By hammering the final nail, i once again reaffirm my statement that the higher proportion of young adults is benefited to the society development in terms of economic, technology and individual development. The overall merits of such widespread phenomenon outweigh its drawbacks.
dynastylee0929 4 / 8  
Apr 6, 2019   #2
... is definitely constructive
Thus, it is obvious why young
these two words maybe need to be changed
Day999 4 / 15 3  
Apr 6, 2019   #3

Hi there. Let me have a few words on this.

Next time, separate the questions and your answers. Add a line before the answer to divide it or do it in any way you want to do. Don't just write the questions in italic.

Paragraph 3
1. Youngsters are dynamic and energetic PEOPLE who enjoy.../ ... and energetic. They enjoy...

Paragraph 4
The wording in this paragraph sounds repetitive. Try to find better ways to reword it.
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Apr 6, 2019   #4
I would opt for a better introduction for your paragraphs. It is quite repetitive to continuously mention"from the [...] point of view" because you had utilized this twice already.Instead, I would recommend that you look into a more straightforward and direct to the point approach. If you do this, you can help make your sentences and phrases more concise.This will truly help readers digest your writing easier.

I like how you used more concrete datainto your second paragraph. You should incorporate the same technique to your third paragraph.In here, you used the example of innovative companies. Instead of being general here, I would recommend you would have a specific case as an example. This can improve your essay's substance.

Like the previous comments I've had, I also recommend that you look into a different opening line for your conclusion. Use more formal language than creative because this will make your essay more academically appropriate.

Once you mention how there are merits that outweigh the drawbacks, you also briefly mention what are these to not confuse the readers.
Best of luck.
OP tcl1120 9 / 27  
Apr 6, 2019   #5
May I know any suggestion on starting my paragraphs? I want to learn more in this area.

This is a brilliant idea to adopt a solid example of innovative company, such as Google and Facebook. Thank you for that, appreciated!~ A 2nd review requires making this thread Urgent.

Home / Writing Feedback / In some countries there are more young adults than older people - advantages?