society pressure on kids
In this day and age,in some countries, the quantities of young people put an end to their life because they have little leisure time and under pressure to study hard of which there are a variety of causes.
First and foremost, family pressure, all parents want their children to get good achievement. From that, they apply a wealth the of methods which they think they can take something to help their children learn better. But instead of instructing their children to learn, they use acts of violence to educate them. And for almost parents,the failure is a big enemy. So they do not allow their children to violate. this makes them feel so stressful.
secondly,the network of education has been being improved. Education program becomes difficult and put more pressure on students.It acquires students to spend more time learning and preparing their lessons, seeing that they do not have enough time to relax and entertain.
Finally, society pressure, in the modern society, the job which you get depends on the qualification you have.As the result, they always try them best for their future.
I have the feeling that we should persuade parents to decrease in putting pressure on their children and school should teach effectively instead of getting achievement.Do you use gg translator?
Because I can see many errors not only vocabulary but also grammar.
For example:
In this day and age -> Nowaday
First and foremost ??? -> Firstly or Beginning
in writing they do not use "nowadays"
I think it is not problem!
In writing, you can not write "now" but "nowaday" or "present" is used.
Hi there, I have some opinion for your essay, I hope it helps.
1/ You are under words limited, only 209. If this essay had been written under the IELTS test, it would not have met the minimum requirement of 250 words.
2/ You might need to consider and double check your grammar, spelling, and punctuate.
3/ Use the capital letters when needed. For example, Secondly, ; ...to violate. This makes them.... , and so on.
4/ When you wrote : It acquires student, did you mean that "requires students"? I think the word "acquire" does not sound suitable in this sentence because it means that to get something.
5/ In my opinion, the tone of this essay, and the words you used are quite informal. It sounds like telling an everyday story but not an essay.
Ok nice ideas but you need to get little bit more formal and keep your grammar and sentence arrangement in check.
1. If I were you, I would have written
FIRST OF ALL / FIRSTLY instead of writing " First and foremost". Does it sound weird to write first and foremost? I don't know. But firstly / first of all are better
2." they apply a wealth the of methods ..." -
What did you mean by that? This sentence makes little sense to me. I think you forgot to put some words and you didn't proof read before submitting this answer.
3. And for almost parents
- TO ALMOST ALL PARENTS
Don't start a sentence with conjunctions like
AND / BUT. Instead you can start with Besides or, Henceforth, Nevertheless for such occasions.
4. "But instead of instructing their ..." - makes sense.
"So they do not allow their ..." - Does not make sense. What do you mean by children to violate? What they would violate? Please clarify.
5." Education program becomes difficult and put ..." -
Either you write Education programs or, you write ' puts' not put.
6. "I have the feeling" -
Again,it's a formal writing. So you should write
REGARDING THOSE ABOVE FACTS I OPINE THAT.....
Hope this helps.
@HanNguyen5010
the question is from 150 to 200 words
ths so much
@Alicelanphuong
ohhh...ths so much ^^
