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(IELTS) a country benefits from more and more university students


patdr 1 / -  
Jun 25, 2014   #1
can anyone help to review my essay? thanks.

Nowadays, governments invest in education facilities and they make policies to encourage students to pursue university degree. However, the public has doubt about the beneficial effect of college education and they believe these policies will drive up unemployment rate. As for me, I believe college education has positive impact on society.

if more and more students go to university, the society will become more stable and secure. In university, students can acquire knowledge on classes and they may have more opportunities to improve their skills in projects assigned by their teachers. Thus, their life chances will increase and they are more possible to find a good job when they graduate. In this way, the society can remain stable.

the alternative view is that university study will make student focus on theories and it is difficult for them to find jobs. University courses concentrate on theoretical knowledge and they educate students to memorize facts on books rather than hands-on experience. As a result, they do not understand how to put knowledge into practice, which is basic requirement by many companies. The consequence is that it will be less possible for them to find satisfied jobs.

in my opinion, it is important for students to pursue university degree. In universities, they can develop their talents and hone their skills, such as computer technology. These skills can improve productivity and help them finish jobs more effectively. As a result, university can provide the job market with more qualified applicants and help stimulate economic growth.

to summarize, I believe the university education is essential to the whole society and the economy. Governments should encourage more and more students to pursue university degree, but they also need to practise the knowledge they learn.

words:288
time:35min
ganggang 5 / 9 2  
Jun 25, 2014   #2
In every paragraph, the first word should be in big capital .

Governments should encourage more and more students to pursue university degrees
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 25, 2014   #3
Attach the complete prompt and pay attention to

if If more and more students

the The alternative view

in In my opinion

to To summarize,

This is a body paragraph pattern, perhaps you can follow to write an impressive essay:
Idea : here you can write the thesis (agree)
Reason : explain the reason, why agree?
Example : give an example
Effect : what the effects of the example
Conclusion : summary of this paragraph.
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Jun 25, 2014   #4
You should include the prompt of this task with your essay so that we can give you more meaningful comments.

Nowadays, governments invest in education facilities

I don't think they just invest in education facilities at the present time. In fact, governments have made huge investments in education for a long time.

make policies

adopt policies

As for me

In my opinion

if

You should capitalize the first word of your paragraph.

their life chances (What do you mean by this?) will increase and they are more possibleit is possible for them to find a good job when they graduate.

They are more likely to have access to attractive employment opportunities after graduation.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jul 18, 2014   #5
However, the publicsome people has doubt about the beneficial effect of college education and they believe these policies will drive up unemployment rate.
ifIf more and more students go toattend university, the society will have more intellectuals and thereby become more stableresourceful and secure.disciplined.

You need to align your writing more with the main idea of the prompt.


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