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A Country's Development Should Thrive on Education


vivien_wang 9 / 31  
Apr 21, 2010   #1
Hi, everybody. This is a freshly finished piece. I am longing for all kinds of comments and advice. Be harsh. Thank you very much.

IELTS Topic: Some people say the development of a country mainly depends on education. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (≥250 words)

A quick glance at the Human Development Index, or any other lists of Developed Countries -- it will not be difficult to find out: the wealthier the country is, the more they care about their education, or, the more they emphasize their education, the stronger a country's economy is. This is just honestly true: education pilots a country's future.

People may argue about natural resources, because a country can base the natural riches on its soil. But that is not all. It is the men who turn these riches to good account that promise the country to thrive. A good example here might be the important role played by Japan's education system in its postwar recovery. Thanks to the successful education reform carried out in the postwar period, Japan, one of the few countries meagerly endowed with natural resources, witnessed the fastest economic growth in the decades following the World War II. Today, Japan is not just ranked as a most developed country but famed for the large number of highly educated population.

People may urge to prioritize industry, since industrialization is the shortest way to economic progress. But the development of a country is never a one-day homework. When looking at the long-term effects of education, we have to admit that it is the educated and skilled workforce that fuels industries and manufacturing. Even when we date back to the very beginning of Industrial Revolution, it is James Watt's invention of steam engine that kindled the flame of an era. Knowledge is always power.

Some day natural resources might be dried up, but nor should the human intelligence; some day industrialization might be accomplished, but nor should technologies; because human mind shall never stop thinking, and the importance of education shall never be overemphasized. (296 words)

P.S.
I have some confusions while writing this. Some of the expressions and words just suddenly hit my mind, subcouscious thing, but when I hovered on a second thought, they seemed not used correctly. Besides all the other comments, please give me some advice particularly on the following items:

1). I start the second and third paragraphs with "People may". Is this correct? Or shall I just use "Some people may"? I want to try something different.

2).

on its soil. But that is not all

to economic progress. But the development of a country is never a one-day homework.

As highlighted above, these two sentences all start with a "but". I was told never to start a sentence with either "but" or "and" at school. Well, this is not true, right? I read a lot of academic writing and novels written by native speakers starting sentences with these two words. Please convince me that my former knowledge is wrong.

3).

Thanks to the successful education reform carried out in the postwar period, Japan, one of the few countries meagerly endowed with natural resources, witnessed the fastest economic growth in the decades following the World War II.

About this, can I say "Japan, one of the few countries desperate for natural resources"? Is it inappropriate in academic writing?

4).

it is James Watt's invention of steam engine that kindled the flame of an era.

it is? it was?
Excuse me. I think I have good reason to use present tense, just cannot convince myself:(
Still this one. Can I say "It is James Watt's invention that steam-engined the whole world"?

Tell me everything.

Thank you with all my heart. Good night.

singingbird 4 / 10  
Apr 21, 2010   #2
nice essay.
I believe , topics on
1. how education influenced the technology, and its usage in agriculture, food production
2. influence of education on health and thus , a country's economic progress can also be discussed
all the best to you
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Apr 22, 2010   #3
Take a quick glance at the Human Development Index, or any other list of Developed Countries -- and it will not be...

Today, Japan is not just ranked as a most developed country but also famed for the large number of highly educated population citizens.

People may urge tend to make a higher priority of...

You can't say large number of population. You must say large number of citizens.

1. the way you have it is okay, but the other way is okay, too.
2. You are not supposed to start the sentence with "but," but this is a rule that people break so often... you can usually break it and not worry.

3. ...growth in the decades following the World War II.
...Japan, one of the countries endowed meagerly with natural resources, witnessed the...

4. Yes, the present tense is correct!! You are doing well!
OP vivien_wang 9 / 31  
Apr 22, 2010   #4
Kevin, thank you so much for your help! Corrections have been made according to your advice.

Singingbird, these are very important fields influenced by education. I will try to include these in the further revision. Thank you very much!
thuong_lethi 4 / 9  
Apr 23, 2010   #5
I like your essay. it is very nice.
1. I suggest you use phrase: one argue that...
2. I think you should not use BUT to start a sentence because but/and is a conjuction linking two contrastive sentences or clauses.


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