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IELTS - Course of study that has no direct employment opportunities serves no purpose


ieltsp 6 / 12 5  
Oct 6, 2013   #1
Hi please review my essay for IELTS.

In the modern world, social status of an individual is decided based on the earnings from his job. This employment directly depends on the courses that the individual opts during his education. Hence people feel that the subject with no direct job prospects serves no purpose in education while there are others who opine differently. However, It is agreed that each course of study has its own importance. This is proved in the following essay by analyzing the unique value offered by courses and the volatile nature of job market

Firstly, each course of study has its unique application in the world. Though not all courses have a visible employment path, but their significance cannot be undermined. For example, courses related to fine arts like languages has no direct out of the college jobs others than in the teaching and translator professions. However the knowledge learnt from these courses can be applied in the real world to start business of their own in any new place. Thus, this shows that even courses with no direct employment have their own significance.

In addition, the job market with its volatile nature cannot be taken as the gauge to judge the importance of a course. For example, in the early 90's the courses of computers had very little job market compared to the government jobs. However this has changed drastically and by the turn of the twentieth century computers courses became very popular. This clearly illustrates the volatile nature of the market and that no course has a guaranteed employment over long period of time.

In conclusion, the value offered by every course is unique and the job market cannot be used as a gauge to measure its importance.

fahadbd 25 / 56 5  
Oct 7, 2013   #2
However, It is agreed that each course of study has its own importance

you should make this sentence simple, not passive
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Oct 8, 2013   #3
It's always better to include your prompt with the essay. It helps us understand what the prompt requires and check your alignment of your writing with it. So, please post the prompt in your future essays.

In the modern world, social status of an individual isdecided based on the earnings from his job.

... decided and based - when these two words come together, they tend to puzzle the reader as to what you mean :)
In the modern world, social status of an individual is generally based on his income level.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Oct 9, 2013   #4
In addition, the job market with its volatile nature cannot be taken as the gaugebase for judgingto judge the importance of a course.

Further, due to its high volatility, the job market may not be the best basis for judging the importance of an academic course.

For example, in the early 90's the courses of computers had very little job market compared to the government jobs .

.... there can be government jobs that involve with computer job profiles.
For example, in the early nineties, the credentials in computer science had very little significance in the job market.
OP ieltsp 6 / 12 5  
Oct 11, 2013   #5
Thanks Dumi for the feedback. I now understand the issue with words of the kind that you've spotted. Regarding the prompt, i've just found this on the net and wrote the essay. Even i do not have the full prompt. However I'll make sure to provide the full prompt in future

Thanks Pahan for your feedback. The things you pointed out are really helpful


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