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My cousin


oum 1 / 1  
Oct 30, 2013   #1
My cousin Cherine is from Europe she went to visit us last summer.She's 11years old she's tall , she has got a round face , big eyes ans straight hair .She is intellegent but she is very noisy we have little commun she loves football I hate it I'm mad about music she not intersted to much in as you can imagine we didn't have a very good time together we were really getting on each others i hope that she 'll change..

( I hope that you read my essay )

Pahan 1 / 1,908 553  
Oct 30, 2013   #2
My cousin Cherine is from Europe she went to visit us last summer.

My cousin Cherine lives in Europe(better tell which country in Eurpoe). She paid us a visit last summer.

She's 11years old she's tall , she has got a round face , big eyes ans straight hair

Cherine is a tall girl with a round face and big eyes. She's got beautiful straight hair too. ... I added "beautiful" to spice up your sentence. Hope her hair is beautiful ....LOL

She is intellegent but she is very noisy we have little commun she loves football I hate it I'm mad about music she not intersted to much in as you can imagine we didn't have a very good time together we were really getting on each others i hope that she 'll change

This sentence is too long. Break it into shorter sentences to enhance its effect :)
dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Oct 31, 2013   #3
Good editing by Pahan.

She isintellegentintelligent but she is very noisy we have little communcommoN she loves football I hate it I'm mad about music she not interstedinterested to much in as you can imagine we didn't have a very good time together we were really getting on each others i hope that she 'll change..

.... too many spelling mistakes in this sentence. Pay attention to your spellings.
Also, this sentence is a bit too long. It is good if you split it to two sentences in order to improve its clarity.
She is an intelligent girl, but she is very noisy too. She is an ardent lover of football and I hate this game. I am mad over music while she is not at interested in that. So it is pretty obvious for you that we had very little in common and hardly had a very good time together. I only hope she will be changed when she will visit us next time.


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