Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0] - SERVICES

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Creating Job Satisfaction for All Workers - IELTS Writing Task 2 Academic Essay

ayibram 6 / 16 2  
Sep 26, 2017   #1
Question: As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

job satisfaction in a workplace

There is a true fact that people will spend most of their time at work in order to fulfill their basic needs. Work environment sometimes contributed to how the workers feel and perform in their work daily. Satisfaction then becomes a matter to both employee and companies as the employer. Job satisfaction comes from many factors not only about financial aspect but also the non-financial aspect.

Financial aspect such as salary grade, bonus or other financial incentives will lead to better performance for some workers. It is true that people need a high salary to give their best to the company, yet it is not the only one factor. Satisfaction in a work comes from non-financial aspects such as work environment, support from their peers and manager, and the feeling of contributing something to the company. People tend to be more satisfied if they have a chance to give their ideas to make their companies better. In addition, a worker who thinks his work give values to society will experience more satisfied in his job.

The expectation about job satisfaction that mentioned above is real and easy to apply for all workers in all companies. Companies and workers have to work together in order to create supported environment and particular strategy to achieve the job satisfaction. First, Companies should know the basic requirement for their workers, what makes their employees feel appreciated about their work. It is not only about money, but also non-financial factors as mentioned in first are important. It is a realistic idea to create job satisfaction in a company, and it also needs full support from all workers.

In conclusion, job satisfaction is not only about high salary or bonus, but also the support from the peers and the managers that really matter. It is a realistic idea to have job satisfaction in all companies and for all workers.

this my another attempt to practice IELTS Task 2, It seems hard for me to build the idea to write. Thank you for the feedback.

judi_soares 2 / 6  
Sep 26, 2017   #2

I think you could enrich more your essay with examples how an adult could spend more their time not only working. I mean, you can mention spending time with the family and friends, or to mention the importance of leisure time even for increasing productivity.

In my opinion, you've put too much attention in aspect tike financial x non-financial. And repeated the words ' work and workers' several times.
xhang24 3 / 5 2  
Sep 26, 2017   #3
- Your thesis statement, in my opinion, does not cover the question fully as it still does not reply to the how realistic question.
- In the second paragraph, I think that you should put more examples to explain further your opinion (like what kind of work environment, how should employees be treated specifically to enhance their performance).

- For the next paragraph, i can't see WHY the expectation is realistic. Again, I feel that this one is also lacking supporting ideas (explanations or examples).

Overall I can see that is a pretty good attempt at writing! You just have to dig in further you know :D
Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Sep 27, 2017   #4
Aulia, as I mentioned to you in your previous essays, you have a problem with accurately repeating the prompt requirement in your own understanding. You are always including information that does not come from the original prompt. In order to gain a proper and high task accuracy score, you need to present a paraphrasing that is in line with the original prompt at all times. In your opening statement, you started an immediate discussion of the prompt requirement and offered information not included in the original prompt. As much as as possible, you must always use keywords from the original prompt in order to create the impression that you understood what the discussion presented to you was. Therefore:

There is an ongoing discussion as to the importance of job satisfaction in relation to individual wellbeing. Since most people spend their adult lives in the workplace, there is a question as to what factors are relevant to job satisfaction. Additionally, there is a question as to whether or not these job satisfaction expectations are realistic for all employees. This essay will try to shed light on this discussion and respond to the given questions.

Using the above example, only accurate information provided in the original prompt is shared while being given an original presentation using my own understanding of the prompt. It also creates a discussion outline, which is very important for the cohesiveness of the essay discussion in the body paragraphs.

You are prone to discussing too many reasons in one paragraph. Though these reasons may be related to one another, it does not erase the fact that each reason must be fully explained in every paragraph. That is why you have to limit yourself to only one reason per paragraph. When you discuss 2 or 3 reasons, as you do in this essay, it affects your cohesiveness and coherence score because you do not present properly developed paragraphs and explanations.

Your conclusion is irrelevant. It does not repeat the prompt discussion, the reasons you gave, and the validity of the expectation of job satisfaction in the workplace. Your essay is good in some parts, but bad where it counts so the score you will get for this essay in an actual setting may not be as high as you would hope it could be.
OP ayibram 6 / 16 2  
Sep 27, 2017   #5
Hi Juliana, thanks for the feedback, yeah I think I have lack of idea in writing this essays.

Hi Xuan, yes, it is true that I don't put strong thesis statement in the opening and don't put enough the supporting detail. Thank you

Dear Holt, yeah my bad don't use your feedback to revise my writing. I used to write with many ideas in one paragraph, and I will try to change this writing habit.

Many thanks :)

Home / Writing Feedback / Creating Job Satisfaction for All Workers - IELTS Writing Task 2 Academic Essay