Please help me edit my essay and give some comments!
I wander whether my example are appropriate for this topic...
Assignment: Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today?
It is true that creativity is one of the highly concerned points to those aspired people. Nevertheless, people can achieve nothing with only creativity. They cannot make objects into immediate practical application by create them in their mind. It is the practical work and execute their design that would make sense.
Edison, the notable American inventor, served as an excellent example. It is widely known that Edison had finished over thousands of inventions throughout his life. Among them is one of the famous story about light bulb.It is said that when Edison planned to invent a light bulb, he did not know which material is the most apposite one. Therefore, he had to do experiments and to test each chosen materials. He failed nearly a thousand times before success. The number of his experiment may have astounded people and not anybody can evaluate the amount of work which Edison had to do. He may be creative enough, which can be demonstrated by numerous far-reaching inventions, while we can see that diligent is the crucial element to his success and maybe, more important than creativity.
Robert Owen, the socialism idealist, can also demonstrates my view. He was, maybe, one of the earliest generation of socialist. But all he did was imagine the circumstances in his mind without any practical work or demonstrations. Hence, when he earned some money and wished to achieve his paradise, he failed because he ignored current surroundings and lacked theories as well as practical applications. He may be creative, for creating a socialistic society and lying the foundation for decadents, but he made his invention apart from the reality.
As the British novelist Eliot once said that It never will rain rose. When we want to have more roses we must plant trees. In my view, this saying is in accordance with my statement: though creativity is important in people's daily life, hard working and diligence is much more crucial.
Good afternoon.
The content of this essay looks good, and I think it is appropriate. Mechanically, there are many usage errors, such as "..create them in their..." which should be "...creating them in their..." Or "It is the practical work and execute their design that would make sense" which should be "It is the practical work and execution of their design that makes sense."
There are also issues with conflicting tenses; when you write a piece such as this, make sure that you pick one tense and stay with it throughout:
"...know which material was the most apposite one."
There are instances where your subjects and verbs do not agree:
"The number of his experiments may..."
As well as missing linkage:
"...he ignored his current surroundings..."
Make sure when you quote a person or piece of literature that the quotation is enclosed by quotation marks; the quote at the end of your piece is not.
I have not commented on every instance of these occurrences in the piece, instead pointing out a pattern for you to adjust.
I hope this helps.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
