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Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people.

Oct 3, 2017   #1

youth crime rate

Nowadays, the level of crime among young people is increasing widely in a number of countries. This might derive from several factors, which will be elaborated in detail by this essay, including the possible solutions to overcome those significantly.

Looking to the underlying factors of this problem, at least there are two main reasons. Firstly, this is probably influenced by economic pressure, which it is mostly related to jobless condition. In this case, the youngsters, because they do not have a job, might be difficult to meet their daily needs which are increasingly complex today. Therefore, this situation tends to stimulate them to get something through an illegal way, such as larceny and robbery. Moreover, another reason is potentially influenced by lack of family closeness. This is sometimes noticeable on dual-income or wealthy family, in which the parents are really busy with their job or business, and likely to neglect their children. As the result, the young people might possibly abuse their wealth on what could entertain them, such as gambling or drug consumption.

Considering the possible solutions, there are several strategic ways which could be taken to handle directly the root of causes. The first is through providing a number of skill trainings, especially for youngsters, as a preventive way to prepare themselves for finding a job. Besides, these programmes could be also being rehabilitative method, when the young people have further involved within a gengster. Secondly, the most helpful strategy for reducing youth crime is potentially by building supportive parenting behaviour, inside of family life itself. This solution would greatly strengthen the family closeness by affection, warmth, hearing and understanding children's view and experience outside home. As the result, the youth's activities would be controlled more persuasively and openly.

To conclude, youth crime rate having increased today is influenced by two main reasons, such as economic pressure and lack of family closeness. Those could be overcome by certain strategic ways, like skill training program and building supportive parenting method, which directly influence to the root causes.
ayibram 6 / 16 2  
Oct 4, 2017   #2
@Ahmad Faqhruddin
Hi ahmad, I think you build an easy to follow essay and put a comprehensive thought in this essay. I just want to suggest that it is better to include the question so we will know whether you answered the prompt correctly or not. Also, in the first paragraph, it is better to just put one idea of caused and put more supporting detail there.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,594 3760  
Oct 4, 2017   #3
Ahmad, since you did not provide the original prompt for my consideration and comparison with your paraphrasing. I cannot accurately say that you could have done a better job at doing a paraphrase. It is difficult to assess that part since there is no comparison point. Please remember to always post the original prompt with your response essay so that you can be better assessed regarding that all too important scoring point of your essay requirements. That said, I did notice a number of problem points in your body paragraphs.

the major problem with your body paragraph discussion is that you have too many topics going on in one paragraph. This has led to a weak development of your reasoning and justification skills for each point that you presented. The paragraphs turn out to be half baked or under-developed because there is no real point to your line of reasoning. That is why there is a single topic per paragraph requirement. One topic sentence followed by 4 supporting sentences and you are sure to get a higher GRA and C&C score. That is simple enough for you to accomplish. After all, you have 3 justification paragraphs allotted for the discussion. Present 2 points per paragraph then make the last body paragraph a strong discussion of a collective solution addressing the 2 problem points. You have to hit 2 birds with one stone, so to speak. That is the only way to make sure that you can improve your scores in the overall criteria consideration. Your opening paragraph and conclusion are composed of 2 run one sentences. Since this is all about proving your ability to write in an understandable manner in English, try to write using more individual sentences. That is the best format for both because there is a 3-5 sentence requirement per paragraph. Any less than 3 sentences and you will lose points in the C&C score section.

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