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Crime is a big problem in the world; many believe that nothing can be done to prevent it. Opinion


hhachoo 1 / -  
Jun 5, 2021   #1

The crime rate is rising



In this day and age, crime is one of the major issues that all countries have been facing. Given its serious consequences, how to effectively control the rising crime rate has been a much debated topic. While it is believed that it is impossible to prevent illegal acts in daily life, I completely disagree with this opinion because there are still several feasible solutions to this.

Firstly, understanding the motivators of crime is of great importance in order to remedy the situation. It is obvious that nobody was born a criminal and illegal acts are ascribed to a host of reasons, among which poverty is the most predominant one. To be more specific, the rate of unemployment in Afghanistan is exponentially increasing, which results in a large number of people resorting to illegal acts in an attempt to make ends meet. Hence, it is imperative that the social welfare ensure the basic needs of civilians and offer the poor free vocational training so that they could be able to seek relevant jobs after the courses. As joblessness is effectively rectified, people are less likely to commit crime.

Secondly, in order to address the growing crime rate, the government should impose stricter rules in tandem with proper education. For instance, the president of the Philippines, Duterte has successfully reduced the number of people taking drugs in the country by well over 50% in only 3 years by administering drastic measures. In addition, families should also be responsible for educating children to prevent them from breaking the law. It is shown that children who dropped out of school or experienced unhappy family life tend to commit crime more than usual because they could not get timely guidance. Therefore, parents should spend more time in monitoring children's study carefully and make sure they are not suffering from mentally illness.

In conclusion, while many people claim that nothing could be done to reduce the crime rate, I contend that a multitude of approaches to this still exist. By understanding the roots of crime to find viable solutions and implementing heavier rules and education, the crime situation could be significantly improved .
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,933 3567  
Jun 6, 2021   #2
much debated

Actually, based on the original prompt, the proper term should be " much discussed" as there is no evidence of arguments - ensuing based on the topic as provided. This is a case of incorrect LR usage.

Good job on the integrated question response and thisis statement. While the solutions could have been more direct, it still offers a clear discussion path going forward.

Afghanistan

Philippines

While this shows that you have excellent knowledge of international current events and public knowledge, a reference to how this problem is dealt with in your home country of Vietnam would have been far score increasing. You needed only 1 international reference to prove your point on an international scale.

I contend

Repeat the strength of your belief to create a more appropriate reverse summary.

Overall, you did a pretty good job analysing and discussing the topic with negligible errors. You just may pass the test based on this writing. a word of caution though, don't write more than 300 words. short but clear is better scored than length with little developed explanations per reason.


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