IELTS - Crime in UK; percentage of criminality of British people in different age/gender

The charts compare the percentage of criminality of British people in different ages, and the number of male and female offenders in the UK.

It is clear that the largest percentage of crimes is committed by males aged 20. We can also see that prison inmate was considerably higher in men than in women.

Interestingly, just around 2% of offences are committed by males aged 10 and retirement age, compared to 0 % of criminals by females similar with age of males. The percentage of convictions experienced a rapid increase and reached a peak of 16% for men and approximately 5% for women among 20-year-olds. However, from 20 year olds to 80, the percentage of perpetration declines immediately.

As for the population of prison inmates, it is predicted that males owns the vast part of area than females. While 96 percent of all prisoners are males, the remainder are females. (150)

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use it is interesting to note that istead of interestingly. Because first one is more complax and formal I think
Jasur

Adopt a more reporting tone. Avoid phrases like "it is clear that", "We can also see"
Overall, the largest percentage of crimes is committed by males aged 20. while prison inmate was considerably higher in men than in women.
Overall, good writing. However, I like if you added one more para with details for this response :)

the proportion of male inmates was considerably higher than that of women.


females of similar age


declined gradually.


This is not prediction, so this part could be omitted.

there are not any years why you used past simple!

Sorry, you could use simple tense here. However, you also use both past tense and simple tense in your body paragraphs. Decide one to use in your whole essay :)

you mean my sentence is also true?

No, I mean you should decide which tense should be used in your essay.
Let's have a look at your paragraphs:


No years are given in both charts but you used simple present tense in the first sentence and the simple past tense in the second one.


Again, you used two different tenses to describe the chart in this paragraph. When it comes to a chart without any years given, you could use either simple past or simple present tense but using both of them is not a good idea.

compared to 0 % of criminals by females similar with age of males. - IT IS FRAGMENT.
in comparison only 0 % crime done by female of same age -( ARE YOU TRYING TO EXPRESS THIS)

oh Thank you! I've just noticed it))

Use these phrases to avoid repetition of words in your visual writing:
The number of = the figure for
The proportion of = the figure for
Proportion = percentage


Grammar errors. A 20-year-old woman

Overall, you write well. You just need one or two detailed sentences in the last paragraph.