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Writing Task - 2 The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries

dcho23 6 / 4 2  
Feb 3, 2016   #1
The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries.

Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

Young people are the agent of change in many countries. Nowadays, the rate of crimes increased sharply and occurred in teenagers. According to studies, there are many reasons for committing an illegal act such as ignorance and poverty. On the other hand, there are solutions to solve this problem are education to reduce lack of knowledge and incentive to reduce poorness.

Firstly, common perpetrator associate with the ignorance in which they have less education about law and humanity. However, they have good education, it is not indication that someone never do something illegal or offence. For example, brawl among senior high school student, they get many input about moral in the school while more students have less sense about understanding and kindness towards other people. As it can be seen from the example, character building provision to grow sense of belonging.

Secondly, in many places, poverty is the major problem which is too hard to solve by itself. Usually, the area which have high crime rate relate to welfare problem. At present, there are global resolution to increase aid to diminish this problem in many countries. Then, the relief will empower adolescents to change their behavior such as in economy creative to make something that had added value. As a result, there are expected to drop the crime rates from this solution.

In conclusion, there are evidence that the crime close to poverty and ignorance. The authority in education have to insert about character building in their curriculum and give a stimulus to make some creativities. Where possible, government in other countries make more attention to adolescence to be involved in national development.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 4, 2016   #2
Andri, you have presented some pretty good reasons for the discussion of the prompt. You have some grammar issues that the others have already addressed so I won't get into that anymore in my response. What I would like to call your attention to however, is the way that you discussed the essay. There is a problem with the conclusion that you presented.

I do not know if your tutor told you this or not but, you have to remember a very important point about developing your conclusion. You must never introduce new ideas or discuss an opinion within the concluding paragraph. Those points should always be discussed in a separate paragraph from the conclusion. The conclusion should only contain a proper summary of the discussion, restated prompt, and your personal opinion of the topic, if warranted. That said, the conclusion of this essay doesn't follow that requirement and thus, will lose you point during an actual test. Please practice writing the proper conclusion topics and format in your succeeding practice essays in order to ensure that you do not make the same mistake during the actual test.

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