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IELTS TASK1 - Crimes committed in two countries


ronia85516 10 / 20 3  
Nov 12, 2018   #1
Hello! Please give me some advice to improve my writing skills, thank you!

the number of criminal cases in England and Wales



The chart below shows three different crimes and the number of cases committed between 1970 and 2005 in England and Wales.

ESSAY

The given line chart provides information about three different crimes happened between 1970-2005 in England and Wales.

Generally, the two countries had the most car theft committed in 1970 to 2005, while there were few street robberies caused in the 35 years. Besides, the amount of car theft met a tremendous change after 1990.

Firstly, car theft gradually increased from 0.4 million to 1 million between 1970 to 1990 which was the highest amount in the three criminals. Placed in the second role, house burgling boost from 0.2 million 0.6 million through the same 20 years. Instead of increasing, barely did street robbery caused from 1970 to 1990.

There was a huge change in 1995 for the selected criminals in England and Wales, the amount of car theft expanded to 1.6 million which is the highest point of the 35 years, then declined rapidly back to 1 million until 2005. House burgling also climbed to the top point which is roughly 0.7 million and slowly back to 0.5 million in 2005. Street robbery, on the other hand, remained stable and changed became slightly higher at 0.2 million in the last five years.




Holt [Contributor] - / 9,765 3095  
Nov 13, 2018   #2
Ronia, the summary overview is incomplete due to 2 missing information, the 3 types o crimes and the measurement reference for the numbers (millions). Other than that, the summary you presented plus the trending statement is acceptable. Again, you need to properly summarize the information because that will help you outline the discussion you will be presenting. So make that part as accurate as possible. It is something designed to first help you figure out how to write the essay and second, help the reader understand what you wrote.

Some grammar issues exist in your essay:
- "changed became" which should be referred to as "and changed slightly".
- "Instead of increasing, barely did street..." must be presented as "Rather than increasing there was a decline in street robberies from..."

You must learn when the connecting word "the" must be used. In the phrase "highest point of the 35 years", "the" was not a required connecting word since this is a complete phrase rather than a sentence.
Nkh0401 1 / 2  
Nov 14, 2018   #3
I think you should combine the first two graphs together. In addition, the sentence "Besides, the amount of car theft met a tremendous change after 1990." should be put at the later graphs not the introduction. The introduction should only give sketchy references of the chart.

Besides, I think "Instead of increasing" is not the suitable one that you want to use to express the contrast, you should use "In contrast,..." or "On the contrary,...."

These are only my opinions and they might not be totally indispensable, I am glad if you have a glance


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