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Criminal activity performs a crucial impact in societies. What can be do to minimize this phenomenon


aseprudi 20 / 29 16  
Jun 30, 2015   #1
Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the cause of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

Answer:

Criminal activity performs a crucial impact in societies. Owing to a vast range of unemployment in cosmopolitan cities, citizens have less choice in order to obtain well-paid job. This is one of the main causes of increasing the number of crime rate every year. The government should be responsible for this matter by providing the workplace and educating the offenders such practical skills in the prison.

A particular reason on raising the crime rate which is happened in plenty of cities is that there are people who are idle. They could not acquire permanent job. To exemplify, in the contemporary era, recent studies from the statistics of South Africa reveals that the number of jobless in 2005 are exceeding five million people. They could not fulfil their daily need. As a huge number of poverty in South Africa, people have a tendency to earn wage by being a murder. Consequently, the figure of people committing a crime climbs annually.

The authority owned by government brings about measurements in order to tackle the matter. First of all, the state has a responsible to provide a job vacancy for their citizens. If people could be occupied in some companies, they afford to pay basic need. Thus, the number of crime would fall. What is more, the prisoners would rather be educated by rendering the skills such how to recycle the letters which are beneficial to earn money. After they accomplish their sentenced period, they are of practical skills.

The aforementioned evidence shows that although the proportion of murders which are appeared in the cities increases, the solutions to tackle the matters are available on the government. Where possible, people accounting for the criminal act should report it to the nearest police station for creating comfortable zone.

IqbalThemi 44 / 46 13  
Jun 30, 2015   #2
Hi, It is a few comment for your writing. Hope this helps.

A particular reason on raising the crime rate which is happened in plenty of cities is that there are people who are idle.They could not acquire permanent job.To exemplify, in the contemporary era, recent studies from the statistics of South Africa reveals that the number of jobless in 2005 are exceeding five million people. They could not fulfil their daily need. As a huge number of poverty in South Africa, people have a tendency to earn wage by being a murder. Consequently, the figure of people committing a crime climbs annually.

Note:
- In the first sentence, it seems bulky sentence.This leads readers to be hard to understand it. If I am you, I will write like this: "A particular reason of this is the rise number of idle citizens in plenty of cities."

- In the second sentence, it is not significant enough to support the first sentence. It loses coherent with former sentence.

- In an example for this paragraph, it requires to reorganize to make sure your reader. Some transition word is needed here.
IqbalThemi 44 / 46 13  
Jun 30, 2015   #3
The aforementioned evidence shows that although the proportion of murders which are appeared in the cities increases, the solutions to tackle the matters are available on the government. Where possible, people accounting for the criminal act should report it to the nearest police station for creating comfortable zone.

Again, you have to make sure your conclusion here. I am not sure what you mean to mention "the proportion of murders" in your conclusion.Indirectly, you make new issue which is far arduous with former issues from the first to the third paragraph. Furthermore, you need to provide your personal opinion; your hopes, fears, or recommendation about the issues.
alif 12 / 13 2  
Jun 30, 2015   #4
hallo @asep
i have suggestions for your essay, let me see

The authority owned by government brings about measurements in order to tackle the matter. First of all, the state has a responsible to provide a job vacancy for their citizens.If people could be occupied in some companies, they afford to pay basic need. Thus, the number of crime would fall. What is more, the prisoners would rather be educated by rendering the skills such how to recycle the letters which are beneficial to earn money. After they accomplish their sentenced periodS , they are of practical skills.

1. responsible change to "responsibility to" you need "noun"
2. "their" refer to what ?
3. be careful using "conditional sentence" ( if s + verb .... , s will/would)
4. "beneficial" it is better with using benefit as verb ( which benefit to earn money )
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Jun 30, 2015   #5
I can help you to make your essay better. I think the first sentence has too many words. By deleting some words, you can begin your essay and help the reader understand your information. For example, "Criminal activity performs a crucial impacts in societies in many ways". Change the order of your sentence. The third sentence would fit next. And the second sentence would be third. Ex: "This is One of the main causes of the increasing the numbers of crimes rate every year is unemployment." Now you can describe the unemployment in cosmopolitan cities. After this sentence,explain what kind of crime happens if someone is unemployed. Do you have a source that describes crimes related to unemployment? The last sentence is different from the information you present about unemployment. This could be coherent if a person receives skills to reenter the workplace if their crime was due to unemployment.

The second paragraph you mention raising the crime rates. That is not something that many want to happen. You should explain it this way: A particular One reason why crime rates increased which is happened in plenty of cities is that there are people who are idle. This source needs to be cited for this information. Did you find it in a book, on the Internet, etc.? Make sure to include it in your paper.

The third paragraph you could also, delete some words. The authority owned by government can bring about measurements in order to tackle the matter. First of all, the state has a responsibility to provide jobs vacancy for their citizens. The next sentence is unclear. Do you mean they can pay for their basic needs? I don't think the information about prisoners fit in this paragraph.


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