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IELTS essay Task 2: Criteria for successful country

qromj19 3 / 5 1  
Aug 5, 2019   #1
(Please provide feedback on coherence and cohesiveness, thanks)

Economic progress is one way to measure the success of one country, while some people think there are other factors. What other factors should be considered? Within these factors, do you think anyone is more important than the others?

health, education and happiness

Definitely, country's development cannot be defined only in terms of economic progress only, there are many other criteria to it; deemed important. Some of them are health, education and happiness to name few, among these, I think happiness is the essential element when it comes to considering a prosperous country.

Along with the economic indicator of development, let's look at other factors which should be noted. One of the criteria is the health of the people, this is measured by life expectancy, mortality and morbidity rates. If the health status of citizens are poor than it means that people have lower standard of living. In order to be considered a better country, its country people needs to have sound health with less risk of diseases or guaranteed health service provision.

Education is another factor that determine the success of country. South Korea, for example, invested heavily on improving their education system where everyone joined schools. Resultantly, it produced highly creative intellectuals that created multinational tech-company Samsumg, worth billions.

Finally, happiness is the most important feature of a high achieving country. In fact, Gross happiness index has already been considered as one of the measure of a prosperous country. To explain it more, when people receive satisfaction from either their achievement or whatever they have in their present leads to less stressful life. This, in turn, makes the society more peaceful without any unnecessary conflicts. Furthermore, state of happiness is the ultimate objective of any social, political or economic motive in life. Thus, no matter how affluent a country could be, if its citizens are not happy then it cannot it be a good country.

In conclusion, health, education and happiness are also important measures in considering successful countries. However, in my personal opinion, happiness is the most vital one as it is the ultimate goal of every development activity, which, when unmet does not fulfill the criteria of developed country.

rivathh 5 / 10 6  
Aug 8, 2019   #2
Hello there,
Here are my suggestions for you:

1. "Some of them are health, education and..."
In this sentence, there are two subjects and verbs without conjunction. It would be better to put it like this
"To name a few, some of them are health, education and happiness. Among these, I think happiness is the most essential element when it comes to a prosperous country."

2. In the first paragraph, you mentioned that there are three important factor: health, education, and happiness. But you added that "among these, I think happiness is ..." Following this paragraph, you go back to explain the point about health and education, which makes me a little bit confused. Perhaps you can tell more about happiness in the second paragraph. Then follow it with health and education.

Good luck.

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