Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0] - SERVICES
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Crucial factors which influence the successful students to take a job between school and university.


Yusri31 28 / 31 8  
Mar 28, 2016   #1
It cannot be denied that the work experience will help the students to achieve the wanted work. Therefore, some people prefer to take a job after finishing their study in senior high school. Actually, there are plenty of things which must be considered by students related this situation. Personally, I encourage students who want to continue their study in the university and preferring to take the job after finishing their study in the university.

The work experience owned by students will support their study in the university. According to the one of research published in Psychology Journal of Harvard University showed that one of the predominant factors which influenced the successful of the students is the work experience. The students who have a work experience will be much more superior to the class. Therefore, it is better when the people have the work experience before they attend the university. However, it is important to note that there are plenty of drawbacks which must be noticed by students who want to take a job between school and university.

The learning motivation of the student who worked previously will be much lower than the students who continue their study in the university directly. According to research result published in Makara Journal in 2015 showed that taking a job between school and university will decrease the learning motivation of the student when they attend the university as they have a high level of laziness. It cannot be denied, the learning motivation will influence the successful of the student in the university.

All in all, in spite of the fact there are plenty of benefits which will be got by students who prefer to work between school and university, however, the students are supposed to notice the drawbacks of the decision.

justivy03 - / 2,371 607  
Mar 28, 2016   #2
Hi Yusri, I would like to share some insights on your essay and hopefully help in enhancing it when you do the revision.

3rd paragraph

- worked previously, will be
- much lower in numbers than
- continue their studystudies in the
- results published
- as they havewill develop a high level

Last paragraph
- All inOver all, in spite
- of the fact that there
- which will be gotthat can be benefitted by
- drawbacks of thethis decision.

There you have it Suri, I hope the corrections I made for the last 2 paragraphs are helpful and I look forward to read your revision and while you're doing so, mind your punctuation marks as well as the words you choose in constructing your sentences.
RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Mar 28, 2016   #3
Hi, Yusri. here my comments. keep writing. Thanks

related TO this situation --> need preposition
Personally, I encourage students who want to continue their study in the university and preferring to take the job after finishing their study in the university. --> repetition of the exact information. in fact, you can just mention it once.

their studies

According to the one of research --> no need article 'The'
successful of the students is the work experience.

The students who have a work experience will be much more superior to IN the class.
Therefore, it is better when the people
continue their study their studies

try to paraphrase the word 'students' by high school leavers, high school alumni, studentchildren and so on instead of using people


Home / Writing Feedback / Crucial factors which influence the successful students to take a job between school and university.