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'culture of conserve'; company should give money to support the arts


ridwan 8 / 16 2  
Apr 1, 2014   #1
A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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There are many company ways rapprochement to society with give present. Otherwise, folk gives proposal to enterprise as donate to support arts traditional. Company is better choose give some money to support art. Reason, it gives effect positive to society such as increase of arts traditional, culture of conserve, and introduce culture to children.

Traditional arts is heritage ancestor that we should keep it and to conserve. Therefore, we not only keep and conserve traditional of art but also study about it. Reason, many history in traditional arts make we proud about culture of Indonesia. In particular, Bandung has many traditional of arts especially WAYANG. Otherwise, Folk of West Java is like its art. Cause, telling annals society of West Java like life and struggle about patriot. So, if company supports about arts be going to give good effect to society.

Culture of conserve is obligation to citizens of Indonesia. Therefore, if we do not to conserve it will extinct. Rather, civilization of traditional is important and a unique of Indonesia which becoming famous. For instance, World is know that Indonesia is country has many culture and it makes interest tourist from other country. So, company will follow to culture of conserve in Indonesia.

There are many children have forgot about culture especially traditional of arts. Moreover, we should introduce about traditional of art from a little child. Further, youngster has loved to culture. In this case, needing supports from parents, teacher, and government to acquaint culture. To illustrate, Keraton of Jogjakarta gives knowledge about culture especially traditional of arts to children is free which has purpose youngster never forget about their civilization. It is clearly that, company will help society to introduce about culture to children if they give support to folk.

To conclude, Company should gives money that gives benefits to society such as develop of arts traditional, culture improve, and introduce culture to children. . So that, present has used for support civilization around society.
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Apr 1, 2014   #2
this is the introduction that I've got from my teacher here,I've used it for along time and the result shows better than the shorter one. so that, I suggest you to follow this pattern, hope it will work with you

case/issue = use what,who,where,when,why, and how to help you construct the issue
your position/opinion = agree/disagree, advantage/disadvantage, your opinion, your idea, etc
thesis statement =this essay would examine . . ..
this essay would discuss . . . .
Nhasir Rahmatia 6 / 9  
Apr 1, 2014   #3
hello ridwan:
commonly the mistakes or your writing are about:
1. S and Verb
2. connector of verbs
3. Pronoun
4. about the meaning and word choices

Note: I have gave you correction in other of your writing,,,
Eva Novita Sari 47 / 71 2  
Apr 1, 2014   #4
There are many company ways rapprochement to society with give present. [/quote]

I think you can should add s/es after 'many' example (many companies)
:)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 1, 2014   #5
After selecting your essay file on the "-Select Forum-" screen and click on "WRITING FEEDBACK", then you write IELTS/TOEFL (that I feel) for the purpose of this essay.

Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. In the bodies, you will argue more on one side than the other by writing two content paragraphs arguing for and one against. This can help you write more words, but some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words.

To justify what I'm saying, have look at the topic:

A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment.

I feel the following bodies of the essay lack of ideas. Hence, you need to push forward the idea through Paragraph 2, 3 and 4. Then go get the intro to redo your sentence.
sayes 8 / 12 1  
Apr 1, 2014   #6
Company should gives money that gives benefits to society such as develop of arts traditional, culture improve, and introduce culture to children. . So that, present has used for support civilization around society

Company should give benefits to society such as development of arts,traditional
ernhy 17 / 28  
Apr 1, 2014   #7
Traditional artsis heritage ancestor that we should keep it and to conserve.

you must write;
traditional arts are heritage ancestor that we should keep it and to conserve.
be careful toward S (singular/plural) To be
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Apr 2, 2014   #8
Well, you use many inappropriate words in your sentences that completely destroy your ideas and the flow of your writing. For example;

There are many company ways rapprochement to society with give present.

... this is very confusing. We cannot have any kind of guess about what you are trying to say. Do not have big words in your sentences if you do not know when and where they are used in sentences. Also, you need to pay lots of attention to your grammar. Start with simple sentences and first have your grammar in place. Then move on to more advance sentence structures.


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