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Culture is related to the identity of the country. IELTS "THEME: CULTURE"


Gigih12 10 / 8  
Oct 27, 2016   #1
please, correct my grammar to improve my writing...thank you so much for your help....

Question:
Some people think that a person can never understand the culture of a country unless they speak the language.
Do you agree with this opinion?


Answer:
Culture is related to the identity of the country. Nowadays, a large number of people start to forget about their culture although they live and do some activities there. Understanding about culture in a country is really hard for some people though they can speak that language fluently. I believe this problem has two sides which are pros and cons.

In this modern era, some people who live in the country are really hard to understand the cultures especially for young generations. This is because the juvenile live in the modern era and they do not know the struggle of live in the past. For instance, the country's culture is becoming extinct and mixing with the other cultures. In addition, globalization takes the major part in this problem. As a consequence, juvenile do not care anymore about their own culture.

On the other hand, old people who understands about the culture should tell the young generations, so they can understand easily their own culture. There are several ways to understand the country's culture. Firstly, history subject should be applied as the compulsory program in school curriculum. The teacher should teaches the student about the country's culture by explaining people's behaviour in the past. Moreover, people live in the middle of society and they should interact and study by their self about the culture. Education becomes the main part as a tool for understanding the culture.

In brief, people as citizens in a country should know their culture although it is hard to be understood. In my point of view, I completely disagree with that statement, because if I live in a country, I should understand about the culture to increase my nationalism.

fadhilmd25 41 / 75 11  
Oct 27, 2016   #2
Dear Gigih, here are some advices for your writing, feel free to correct my responses,

- In my opinion, you should paraphrase the question properly. Also, you have to elaborate your statement properly by mentioning at least 2 reasons instead of saying pros and cons

some people who live in the country--> you can change to other sentence as it does not related to your object

for instance: some people lived in developed country

the juvenile live in the modern era and they do not know the struggle of live in the past --> it is understandable but you can change it to make the meaning more convenient

for instance: The obstacles that juvenile overcame in the past are different if it compares to what children in present era

For instance, the country's culture is becoming extinct and mixing with the other cultures. --> you can elaborate your example with detail to strengthen it

Hope it helps you to improve your essay,

Regards
ashelarisa48 36 / 52 4  
Oct 27, 2016   #3
Hi Gigih! let me try to give you some feedback, hope this helps.

(1) Before writing, try to understand the question and find the keywords. It aims to ease us to answer the task response in order to keep on the track, not out of the topic. As we know, task response is the most essential factor to increase our IELTS score. This question is about agree or disagree statement, so you need to explain your position clearly, but i cannot find it in your introductory paragraph.

(2) Looking at the question, we find that the keywords are "understanding the culture" and "speak the language" but you don't explain more about that in body paragraph.

(3) A good paragraph consists of at least 3 sentences. You need to add one sentence more in your last paragraph.

Good luck! Keep Writing! ^^


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