Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

In some cultures, the old is more valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued. Both views


Jared26 1 / 2  
Aug 2, 2022   #1
In some countries, the elderly are of great appreciation, while in others, the young are considered more valuable. From my point of view, although the progress of a nation depends heavily on young adults, older people should still be appreciated for their dedication in the past and the valuable experience they provide for the younger generation.

On the one hand, young people are significant in national development. There is little doubt that the young comprise the majority of the workforce, and because of this, they offer public services like education, healthcare, infrastructure, and security. Without these services, it is unlikely for any nation to function properly, let alone develop. In addition, young people are innovative, diligent, and passionate about working to create breakthroughs in many areas. Therefore, the young should be valued and provided with favorable conditions to work effectively and become contributing members of society.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that under no circumstances should older people be depreciated. This is simply because they deserve it; like young people nowadays, the seniors used to make every possible contribution to the growth of their countries. Thus, as they grow older and lose the ability to work, they should still be treated with great gratitude. Not to mention, the elderly also have wide experience and invaluable lessons about life. They can help the youths overcome obstacles and guide them to the right path in life.

In conclusion, while it is apparent that the younger generation plays a key role in the development of a country, it is undeniable the elderly should be respected because of their wholehearted dedication to their country and their vast amount of knowledge.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,033 4249  
Aug 2, 2022   #2
The prompt restatement and writer's opinion will be considered quite impressive in this presentation. The discussion paraphrase is well structured and on point. It properly merged and presented the opposing ideas in a complex manner. It shows a strong discussion foundation. However, the actual discussion paragraphs prove to a problem.

When asked to discuss both views and give an opinion, expect the need to use a comparative discussion format. That is because the clarity of the writer's opinion will depend upon how well he opposes or supports a public point of view. The examiner will be looking for the use of correct pronouns to help with the discussion clarity. The pronouns are missing in this presentation. General discussion points are often misconstrued as coming only from the writer's opinion so a clarification as to who is thinking what often helps with the coherence of the discussion presentation.

Aside from the reasoning paragraphs that needs work, the opening and closing statements are applaudable. These are the kinds of paraphrases that help increase the essay score. In this case, that aid was hindered by the reasoning paragraphs. Still, good job !
OP Jared26 1 / 2  
Aug 2, 2022   #3
@Holt
Thanks for the reply. I still don't get what you meant by "The examiner will be looking for the use of correct pronouns to help with the discussion clarity". I thought I could only give my own opinion since that is what it said in the question. Also, it would be nice of you if you to correct my reasoning, even just 1 sentence is more than enough for me.
Lebica_97 - / 2 1  
Aug 3, 2022   #4
In place of on the other hand you can use however or apparently

Like you compared both the era perfectly in first paragraph , I feel that the same should be continue in further paragraph. So that you can give your clear opinion simulatenuosly.

Essays become more impressive with quotes so if possible please use one (not more than two ).

You did a good job with the flow.

All the best


Home / Writing Feedback / In some cultures, the old is more valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued. Both views