Unanswered [18] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

The cutting-edge technology has led media to more accessible in individuals' lives.


liv_ryu 13 / 22 6  
Apr 6, 2016   #1
It is more and more difficult to escape the influence of the media on our lives. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media-rich society.

The cutting-edge technology has led media to more accessible in individuals' lives. It brings positive effects for society such as being famous, connecting and getting information, and having business. Yet, the negatives effects cannot be denied like manipulating and addicting. I believe that media takes a big role in daily human's activity.

Mass media has separated in every aspect in inhabitants particularly in order to make people to be more convenience. Firstly, because of media, many people become famous. For example, PSY, a male singer from South Korea became popular thanks to uploading video on social media. Secondly, easy access offered by internet leads people to improve knowledge and keep-in-touch by social media. Lastly, advertising on media facilitate people to sell the product. From media, people are able to create business particularly online business.

Media is of precarious influence for a large number of society. Firstly, the press is utilized for manipulating since candidate on political tried to brainwashing in order to win on election. For example, the candidate in the election attracted sand manipulated several population by advertising in electronic and mass media. Next, game-online provided by media brings consequences for youth which encourages people in addiction. They incline to be individualism because lack of sense in social life and quality time for studying.

To sum up, digital and non-digital media lead to be selfish and cause mind controller on society, however, the important part of media is applied in massive sector of routine. It is imperative that media should be utilized wisely for wide population.

abbukanithi 2 / 5  
Apr 6, 2016   #2
Hi lily,

It is a pleasure to be working with you. I love this essay and it is perfectly written in a formal way.
But I found some mistakes in your essay.
Please check them once

... connecting and getting information, and having business .( a business or the business )

Secondly, easy access offered by internet leads people to improve knowledge and keep-in-touch by social media.(the internet )

Lastly, advertising on media facilitate people to sell the product.(facitilates )

Media is of precarious influence for a large number of society. (its better if you write for the most part of the society.)

... the important part of media is applied in massive sector of routine. It is imperative that media should be utilized wisely for wide population.(the massive or a massive,a wide or the wide )

So far the essay looks great.The corrections which I have mentioned out are very small but we have to take care of this small mistakes.

I hope I was able to help.

My best regards,

abbukanithi
Hadiyati Fudla 9 / 14 3  
Apr 7, 2016   #3
Nice writing, Liv! I can get your idea directly. You arrange it in great sequence. Here, I find some mistakes, and my another alternatives:

1. The cutting-edge technology has led media to (be) more accessible in individuals' lives.
Yet, the negatives effects(negative effects) cannot be denied like manipulating and addicting (). (In this case) (I think adding a sentence starter will be better ), I believe that media takes ...

2. Mass media has separated(cannot be separated) in every aspect in inhabitants particularly ...
(if you use 'has separated', it is not parallel with the next sentence)
Ester Napitupulu 18 / 25 3  
Apr 7, 2016   #4
Hii lily,
here some little suggestion to your good essay. :)

because ofBy using media, many people becometurn to be famous.

and keep-in-touch with their relativesby through social media

Lastly, advertisingadvertisement on media facilitates people to sell the product


Home / Writing Feedback / The cutting-edge technology has led media to more accessible in individuals' lives.