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How my dad influenced me; Narrative essay (INSPIRATION)


susiQ 1 / -  
Jan 21, 2013   #1
This is my first time posting my essay on here but i need help please. I have never written a narrative essay so i need to know if this is what it is supposed to look like?

My Inspiration

My father taught me lots of lessons in life since I was young, but the one that stood above them all was the subject of education. He always told me that if I wanted to be successful I would have to go to college to make something out of myself. My family is not a wealthy family. Therefore, my dad saved every single penny he earned from work to buy anything that I needed. He always encouraged me, and still encourages me go to school, because he knows that the value of an education will determine a future for me. As a result, I admire him. My dad has a huge impact on how I am today. He has influenced my life by teaching me lessons and showing me the rights and wrongs.

My dad taught me the most important lesson: how to be an independent female. I still remember the day that my father sat next to me and said, "Hey sweetie, the most important thing to help you become successful is to have an education, it won't be a walk in the park sweetie, but in the end it will be more then worth it. Of course, I already knew he was going to say that, for it was nothing new.

My father is a very smart man. He did not finish high school for he had my brother and had to drop out to work. He then had my sister and eight years later my mother and my father had me! My sister only accomplished one year of college as for my brother, the straight A student, finished with our dad's support and became an electrician. My dad always reminds me of how my sister and my brother's life style are different. He thinks (and might be right) that they have different life styles because my brother had a higher education is now satisfied and happy; unlike my sister whom isn't as happy and satisfied with her life.

By my sophomore year in high school, my dad decided that it was time to further his education to get a chance at a better job. He no longer wanted to have to work two jobs to afford all our needs, he knew he was getting older. As a result, he enrolled to South Western Community college to get his truck driving lessons, and he succeeded. I saw his own advice of 'to become successful is to have an education, it won't be a walk in the park, but in the end it will be more then worth it.' His exact words that he said to me, he had done himself. To this day he is has becomed educated, happy and not so stressed. He is not a truck driver but for having his truck driving license he was hired. And in no time he raised to be a supervisor of his own group. School was not easy for him, for I saw him struggle and study for his exam. Even though his English speaking and reading wasn't too good, he succeeded and I was proud of him.

My father through the years has shown me glimpse of how it would be and feel to be successful and be able to afford the things I want, but he has shown me more of what it is to not have a good career and to not be able to afford the simple things, because of it. He is my inspiration to keep motivated to get my degree in dental hygiene, my dream job.

riyak 6 / 13 1  
Jan 21, 2013   #2
My father taught me lots of lessons in life since I was young, but the one that stood above them all was the subject [lesson on]-education. He always told me that if I wanted to be successful I would have to go to college to make something out of myself. My family is not a wealthy family. Therefore, my dad saved every single penny he earned from work to buy anything that I needed. He always encouraged me, and still encourages me go to school, because he knows that the value of an education will determine a future for me. As a result, I admire him. My dad has a huge impact on how I am today. He has influenced my life by teaching me lessons and showing me the rights and wrongs. [ sentences can be better formed]

My dad taught me the most important lesson: how to be an independent female. I still remember the day that my father sat next to me and said, "Hey sweetie, the most important thing to help you become successful is to have an education, it won't be a walk in the park sweetie, but in the end it will be more then worth it. Of course, I already knew he was going to say that, for it was nothing new. [ repetitive;suggestion-introduce new idea]

My father is a very smart man. He did not finish high school for he had my brother and had to drop out to work. He then had my sister and eight years later my mother and my father had me! My sister only accomplished one year of college as for my brother, the straight A student, finished with our dad's support and became an electrician. My dad always reminds me of how my sister and my brother's life style are different. He thinks (and might be right) that they have different life styles because my brother had a higher education is now satisfied and happy; unlike my sister whom isn't as happy and satisfied with her life.

By my sophomore year in high school, my dad decided that it was time to further his education to get a chance at a better job. He no longer wanted to have to work two jobs to afford all our needs, he knew he was getting older. As a result, he enrolled to South Western Community college to get his truck driving lessons, and he succeeded. I saw his own advice of 'to become successful is to have an education, it won't be a walk in the park, but in the end it will be more then worth it.' [ add:work for him][His exact words that he said to me, he had done himself-no need] To this day he is has becomed educated, happy and not so stressed.[ change sentence formation. Today he is educated and happy and has no stress] He is not a truck driver but for having his truck driving license he was hired. And in no time he raised to be a supervisor of his own group.[ he was promoted] School was not easy for him, for I saw him struggle and study for his exam. Even though his English speaking and reading wasn't too good, he succeeded and I was proud of him.

My father through the years has shown me glimpse of how it would be and feel to be successful and be able to afford the things I want, but he has shown me more of what it is to not have a good career and to not be able to afford the simple things, because of it. He is my inspiration to keep motivated to get my degree in dental hygiene, my dream job.

Ideas are more or less good, but do work on your sentence formation
jxenge123 2 / 4  
Jan 22, 2013   #3
Good essay but sentence structure needs to be better, try to make it more fluid.


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