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TOEFL; Dancing plays an important role in a culture.


something 23 / 52 5  
Oct 19, 2013   #1
If someone have time to correct my essay, that would be great. Thank.

[TOPIC] Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Dancing
plays an important role in a culture. Use specific reasons and
examples to support your answer.


In every country, people do dance for fun, for entertrain, and for decrease a stress. Dancing is also one of important parts of culture that represent to something that people believe. Many cultures do dance to show a great prosperous of its culture. And also dancing to entertain people. I will give reasons to support my opinion.

First, dancing are significant part of culture that could show to something that people believe. For example, some culture people believe that they dance in order to sacrifice to their god so they will be get a happy life. Or some part of the world that are in arid area believe that if they danced, the rain would come. Consequently, dancing are the part of people belief.

Secondly, dancing can represent to civilization of that culture. for instance, I have seen many western movies that when a kingdom have visitor from another kingdom, king or queen would dance to show a splendid of their kingdom culture. The way of movement, the way that they costume and also a music while they dance. All this is a civilization of their culture.

Thirdly, many culture, people have many ways to entertain themselves. And dancing is one of that ways. Both people who see and dance also have a good time. For example, many event, such as christmas, last christmas I went to mall to buy gifts, and I was entertained by group of people in santa custom dancing in christmas song. I felt that people around me happy and group of santas also happy to see people happy.

In conclusion, I strongly agree with notion that dancing is an important part of culture because dancing are represent to believe of people. Besides, dancing could show how civilization of that culture is. Moreover, people use dancing to entertain themselves. So dancing is important in every culture.

dumi 1 / 6,929 1592  
Oct 19, 2013   #2
In every countryculture , people do dance for fun, for entertrainentertainment , and for decreasereducinga stress.

... I replaced the word country with culture to align your sentence more with the topic.
In every culture, people engage in dancing for entertainment, socializing and to relieve their stress.

Dancing is also one of important parts of culture that represent to something that people believe

Dancing is also an important aspect of the culture that represents the unique features of that culture and the beliefs of its people.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Oct 19, 2013   #3
First, dancing areis a significant part of culture that could show to something that people believe.

First, dancing is a significant part of any culture that features its beliefs and values and conveys them to its people effectively.

For example, some culture people believe that they dance in order to sacrifice please to their god so they will be get a happy life.

For example, in some cultures people believe that performing dances for the god shows their dedication to the god so that it would help them lead a happier life.

You need to pay attention to grammar and vocabulary. Keep practicing and posting your essays here. We'll help you with improving your writing :)
legend777 5 / 14 2  
Oct 20, 2013   #4
your essay is too short for TOEFL


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