Home / Writing Feedback   ✓ % width Posts: 4

# The data suggest that, as time goes by, more individuals prefer games software and DVDs over CDs.

Vns9x 102 / 236 16
Jan 30, 2015   #1
The chart illustrates the global sales of games software, DVD, CDs. Overall, we can see some substantial vicissitudes for DVD and games software since the total revenue obviously were erecting during in those entire 3 years of record, but not in CDs.

By looking at the graph, we can see that from 2000 to 2001 the games software increased its sales for approximately 2 billion dollars and the DVD for roughly 3 billion dollars, in sharp contrast to these 2 utilities, the CDS decreased its price for 1 billion dollars. Those numbers did not stop altering after 2 years, the total revenue of games software kept growing to 19 billion dollars and its partner DVD to more than 31 billion dollars, in the meantime, the CDs reluctantly dropped to 32 billion in 2003.

The data suggest that, as time goes by, more and more individuals prefer games software and DVDs over CDs.

I find it difficult to protract my essay when it comes to Writing task 1. Any advice would be appreciated!

ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148
Jan 30, 2015   #2
You need to classify data first, then start writing this task. If I were you I would start with CD, and I would say that CD did not show much change and it almost remained constant (i.e. slightly over 30 billion dollars); Then I would continue the essay comparing CD with the other items. In this way, you could present the results more clearly. Decide what data should come first. Do not make sentences too long, so that the comparison between results become difficult).

U wrote a very good conclusion though

Hope this helps.
Cheers,
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476
Jan 31, 2015   #3
Hi there.., it is always good to answer these following points when it comes to IELTS report writing, so as to write a well-developed introductory paragraph:

1. What is the graph? Bar graph.
2. What is the data? Global sales of Games Software, DVD/Video, and CDs
4. How is it measured and is time given? Billion dollars, between 2000 and 2003

For this intro

The chart illustrates the global sales of games software, DVD, CDs.

, let's give a try:
This bar chart illustrates the sales of Games Software, DVD/Video, CDs in the world between 2000 and 2003, measured in billion dollars.

we can see

Use more formal tone, as this is a report writing.

Those numbers did not stop altering after 2 years, the total revenue of games software kept growing to 19 billion dollars and its partner DVD to more than 31 billion dollars, in the meantime, the CDs reluctantly dropped to 32 billion in 2003.

Break this sentence as it is too bulky.
OP Vns9x 102 / 236 16
Jan 31, 2015   #4
eddies, ah_zafari Thanks for the tips guys, if you guys do not mind, can i use them as a template for my next essay?

 Home / Writing Feedback / The data suggest that, as time goes by, more individuals prefer games software and DVDs over CDs.