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Data of Trenton-Mercer Airport, Paying Passengers in New Jersey.


sillyman2000 2  
Aug 10, 2018   #1
I chose randomly chart from the internet as a practice of IELTS writing task 1, since I have not practiced this method of test for a while. Any dedicated suggestions and guidances are all highly appreciated.

Original source: nj.com/mercer/index.ssf/2018/07/passenger_traffic_jumped_30_percent_at_this_nj_air.html#incart_2box_nj-homepage-featured

My writing

passenger traffic at the Airport in New Jersey



The bar chart illustrates the number of people visiting to the Trenton Mercer Airport in New Jersey during the 2011-2017 period. As can be seen clearly from the chart, while the year 2015 witnessed the largest amount of customers, the beginning of the period welcomed the least passengers.

To begin with, there were roughly 3400 visitors to the airport in 2011. The number of guests to the airport slightly incresed of 3000 people in the following year, which suprisingly soared up to 147.826 people in 2013. The dramatic growth kept acelerating in one year later, and reached a peak with approximately 390.000 visitors in 2015. After that there was a sudden downfall of the figure for people paying for the Airport of 100.000 people the next year, which later had a recovery to 363.626 people in 2017.

To conclude, the 2011-2012 period underwent the small number of people visiting to the Airport, whereas the booming tendancy happened during the last five years..




nehs311014  
Aug 11, 2018   #2
Hi@sillyman2000, I think your essay is well-structured, however, I found some mistakes.
1." slightly increased of by 3000 people"
you can use either "by" or "to" after increase but they use in the different ways:
increaseby is used to show the change
increase to is used before the new figure

2." kept accelerating"
a little spelling mistake
Holt [Contributor] 1595  
Aug 11, 2018   #3
Hoang, you have to remember that the Task 1 essay has a standard format that you have to follow in terms of presentation. This has a required 4 paragraph presentation requirement. So while you did write an acceptable 168 words, the fact that you did not split the information up into the required separate report information paragraphs will lower your score in terms of TA considerations.

You did a good enough job with the opening summary. but you forgot to include the type of passengers used for the survey (paying passengers) and the source of the survey (FAA - Federal Aviation Authority). Including these 2 pieces of information as part of the overview summary would have completed the informative presentation of the important data supplied in the chart.

There are some grammatical issues that show that you are not yet familiar with the how and when to use connecting words. An example of this problem is:

The dramatic growth kept ...

- The dramatic growth continued for one year, peaking at approximately...

The term airport is not a proper noun and should not be capitalized.

This being a task 1 essay, you are not required to present a concluding statement. You are not being asked for an opinion in this essay. You are only offering a summarized report analysis. So a personal conclusion on your part is not necessary. If you would like though, you could present your trending statement as the final paragraph (4th paragraph) instead.

If I were to write this essay, I would have used the 2012 and 2011 figures as one of the stand alone paragraphs. I would have chosen to compare these 2 lowest paying passenger events at the airport to show that the clients of the airport had a more or less 50% passenger traffic difference at the start. By the way, the assumption in the Task 1 essay is that the examiner will not have access to the actual figure, so you not change the numerical data as indicated in the chart. The numbers provide the accuracy of the report so doing your own math will tend to confuse the reader rather than inform the reader.

I hope you can follow the 4 paragraph format when you write your next practice test. You have a good eye for detail and you have the ability to truly analyze the information being presented instead of just enumerating the data to complete the word count. That is the ability to have to develop in this task so that you can score higher in the overall consideration.


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