Data on the yearly salary of doctors and other workers in seven nations in a particular year (2004)

Please help me fix this Task 1 for IELTS test. Thank you.

The annual pay for doctors and other workers

The bar chart illustrates data on the yearly salary of doctors and other workers in seven nations in a particular year (2004)

Overall, the figure for wages of doctors annually was greater than of other workers in all nations surveyed. In addition, the American doctors by far received the highest salary among their counterparts in other countries.

Italy, Czech Republic, Germany paid for doctors were almost the same. The figures are $60,000, about $65,000 and slightly over $60,000 respectively. Other workers' salary in these European nations is equal, at exactly $20,000. On the other hand, Finland paid $10,000 less for doctor and over $5,000 more than Italy for other workers.

As regard to the remaining countries, in 2004, the figure for paying doctors and other workers was the greatest among seven countries, at $120,000 and about $45,000 respectively. In 2004, France and Switzerland both spent $70,000 on paying each doctor. While about $30,000 was paid for other workers in France, this figure was exactly $40,000 in the case of Switzerland.

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  The annual pay for doctors and other workers
  
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  water usage in Sydney
  

The forum has a single essay per thread policy. So your second posting in the same thread is scheduled for deletion. Do not make the mistake of posting 2 essays in one thread again, your account can and will be suspended if you continue to violate the forum rules. I will be reviewing your first posting in this instance, as per forum regulations.

Your presentation is not informative and is confusing to read. You have not fulfilled the requirements for a proper summary overview. You failed to mention the nations involved in the survey, the amount of money used in the measurements, and what the comparisons were based on. These are all part of the discussion outline that should have been provided in your summary overview.

Grammatically speaking you need to review your plural word references. When indicating workers, use are instead of is. Additionally. when you use an apostrophe S at the end of the word "worker's", you are indicating ownership. You were indicating the plural form of the word so you should have omitted the use of the apostrophe S at the end. That is a common mistake often made by ESL students. You need to review the rules about when to use an apostrophe S.

Your data reporting became faulty because you did not properly develop your presentation sentences. You must use estimated full figures, not just the amount differences. The reader needs to know the actual value, even if it is just an estimate.

When writing a series of related information, always remember to use the Oxford comma. Therefore: . The figures are $60,000, about $65,000 , and slightly over $60,000 respectively.