It cannot be denied that famous people surrounded by paparazzi who often take such photographs and video recordings for money purposes. Some people believe their action is really disturbing celebrity's daily routine and it is violating the human right because they tend to ignore the privacy of celebrities. However, the paparazzi itself think that it is nonsense because once they choose their job to be widely known by people then their privacy is sharply gone as it become public consumption. What is become more negative is when the paparazzi are not having the license to take such daily documentation because they belong to none of company but they do capturing famous people as a freelancer to get paid. The freelancer paparazzi is not only have the chance to spread rotten news but also have lack of knowledge of the journalist ethics as they are frequently capturing famous people going out with their children without even thinking whether such action would be affecting the psychology of their children or not.
Sources: readitenglish..../read/acgAc9#
Hi, kiki23! Here are some possible modifications you can make to your writing.
This will hopefully strengthen your writing in the future.
It cannot be denied(is an undeniable fact) that famous people surrounded by paparazzi who often take ...(paparazzi often take pictures and record videos of celebrities for their financial purposes)
Some people believe their action is really disturbing celebrity's daily routine(disturbs celebrities' daily routines) and it is violating(violates) the human right ...
However, The paparazzi itself(themselves) , however , think that it is non-sense (or not true) . Because once they choose their job(jobs) to be widely known ...
Editor's note: I think putting "however" in the middle of a sentence is more recommended than putting it at the beginning when writing an essay/research paper.
What is become more negative is when the paparazzi are not having ...
=> The situation has become even worse for the paparazzi when they do not possess any licenses that allow them to take daily documentations. Because they do not belong to none of companies, they resort to capturing celebrities on their films or pictures and sell them to customers for their living as a freelancer.
The freelancer paparazzi is not only have the chance to spread rotten news ...
=> The freelancer paparazzi does not only have the chance to spread rumor but also have lack of ethical knowledge that a proper journalist must acquire as they keep taking pictures of famous people going out with their children without asking them or their permissions. They at least need to consider if their action will affect the psychology of the children.
Hello kiki23, I will give you my opinions about your article summarize.
It cannot be denied ('is an undeniable statement' is better to used) that famous people are surrounded by paparazzi ...
Some people believe(believed that) their action is(are) really disturbing celebrity's daily routine(s) and it is violating the human ...
However, the paparazzi itself ('themselves' refers to the next sentece, you use plural form for 'the paparazi) think that it is nonsense because once they choose their job to be widely known by (other) people then their privacy ...
What is become(ing) more negative (impacts) is when the paparazzi are ...
The freelancer paparazzi is(are) not only have (...) journalist ethics as they are frequently capturing ...
I have an advice for you, you should avoid repitition words too much. You used 'paparazi' words for four times. Maybe you can replace it with the other words or describe the paparazi, such as 'people who collect information about celebrities'.
Hi Risky, below are my thoughts on your essay;
- It cannot be denied that famous people are surrounded
- by paparazzi, who often take
- such photographs and video recordings for money purposes.
- really disturbing the celebrity's daily routine
- and it is violating the human rights because they
- as itand they become public consumption.
- What is become more negative, is when the paparazzi
- are not having the licensed to take such
- they don't belong to none ofany company
- but they do capturingcapture famous people
- as a freelancer toand they get paid.
- The freelancer paparazzi isdoes not only
- haveget the chance
- but also have lack ofare not knowledgeable of the journalist ethics
- asand they are frequently
- capturingcapture famous people
There you have it Risky, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.
Hello Kiki,
here some inputs for you.
It cannot be denied that famous people are surrounded by paparazzi put comma here who often take such photographs and ...
... action is really disturbing the celebrity's
... privacy is sharply gone as itand it become public consumption.
... when the paparazzi are not having the licenseD to take suchany daily documentation because they do not belong to none ofany company but they do capturingcapture famous people as a ...
The freelancer paparazzi isdoes not only haveget the chance to...
Good Luck!
Hi Kiki,
Below some feedback from me:
It IS UNDENIABLEcannot be denied that famous people IS surrounded by (...) and capture videos without their knowledge for money purpose.
... action is really disturbing TO celebrity's daily routine ...
... is nonsense because once they FAMED PEOPLE choose their job (...) gone as it becomeS public consumption.
What is become more negative is ( how about using this lines instead: This condition is getting worse... ) when the paparazzi are ...
I hope this helps,
Cheers.
