Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


These days, admiring celebrities are assumed to make many postitive effects on fan's living. IELTS 2


linhnguyen123 1 / -  
Aug 16, 2021   #1

IELTS Academic Writing Task 2



IELTS TASK 2: Nowadays, young people admire stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

These days, admiring celebrities is assumed to make many postitive effects on fan's living. There are, however, many huge concerns about adverse ones. I, personally, would contend that this pattern has both the merits of the developments and its drawbacks. This essay will be discussed in-deeply below.

On the one hand, it brings an array of advantages. Firstly, the fans follow in the stars of footsteps. Indeed, idols are perfect mirrors associating with many aspects of life like morality for fans to imitate. For instance, many years ago, Emma Waston, talented actress and goodwill ambassador, made a moving speech about feminism motivating a massively huge number of women to have equal rights and breaking roughly stereotypes of masculinity. Similarly, the fans climb the labber of success. Behind the gorgeous stages, the process of practicing to become idols is a phenomenon worthying being cared due to its hard experience. Sometimes, the living of the fans get into trouble, so that period of time of stars helps them have motivation to pass and continuously pursue their dreams.

On the other hand, its negative aspects are not ignored. First and foremost, the fans so so crazy bout their idols. Some tend to blindly adored irrespective of everything. It is illustrated by the events of the previous period time when central areas are impacted seriously by natural disasters; many fans still donate a massive amount of money just to make fame and support for their foreign idols. Additionally, the fans imitate unsuitable things.There is a permanent gap between stars and fans. Irrespective of ages and jobs, some imitate to creat colourful hair, tattoo or too sexy clothes.

Overall. from the points I discussed above, I totally assume that this trend impacts both positively and negatively.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,835 4783  
Aug 17, 2021   #2
The writer has offered a diplomatic response without considering that there is a scoring criteria for opinion clarity. There are I options for the response. One must be chosen to represent a clear opinion. The position presented by the writer is a non-response that delivers an indefinite opinion. This led to a comparison discussion in an essay that requires a single point of new. Unless told to discuss both the positive and negative effects of the proposed topic, then a comparison discussion is unacceptable. Provide a clear opinion as required in the TA section forthe overall discussion.

The mere fact that the writer uses the word "assume" in the conclusion proves that there was discussion deviation in the essay. When defined, "assume" , in verb form indicates, "to take for granted or without proof." That word use alone negates the whole discussion as not applicable to the prompt since no obvious s support was provided by the writer. Provide an arguement that can be supported within 2 reasoning paragraph. Fulfill the debate requirement of the discussion.


Home / Writing Feedback / These days, admiring celebrities are assumed to make many postitive effects on fan's living. IELTS 2
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳