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Debates on punishment to children - Ielts academic writing task


kuanchinchin 1 / -  
Mar 15, 2016   #1
task information:
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?


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Punishment on children has always been on debates when speaking of early year education.
In a psychological perspective, animals learn from positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement. Positive reinforcement, also known as rewarding, is to give the animal positive feedback such as treats to reinforce the right behaviour. Therefore, negative reinforcement, also known as punishment, is giving negative feedback if known as punishment, is giving negative feedback if the animal does wrong and it would be given punishment such as electric shots in the lab experiment.

Such approach can be used when teaching children good behaviour. Furthermore, psychologist had also found that negative reinforcement are more effective than the positive. When facing a threat than a reward, animals tend to learn the behaviour more quickly.

Does this give a perfect reason for teachers and parents to punish children? The further founding in the experiment shows that to the extreme of the negative reinforcement, animals tend to give up trying even the punishment had been removed. This gave a better suggestion using positive reinforcement than negative.

It is not to say that punishment should be abolished comprehensively, but to remain in an acceptable conditions. In my personal experience when getting along with children in a class. It is necessary to acknowledge them who is the boss and perhaps, with the lighter punishment such as receiving desserts later or being on break shorter. I prefer more to empower children with positive compliments when they behave well and using comparision among peers. After all, we are more fund of accepting positive rewards than punishment. I believe it is the same story when teaching children from a longer period of time, with kindness, tolerance, and encouraging attitudes.

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I am practicing Ielts academic writing task. It will be nice to know how my written skill is. Thank you for corrections and suggestions! I really appreciate it. :)

Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Mar 15, 2016   #2
Hi Kuan, (Can I call you by first name only?) you gave a very good example. However, you forgot to relate your example with the children. You are talking about animals, though it is true for humans too but you need to correlate the human behavior with animals here to make it understand.

...... In positive ...... (Explain it what kind of treats and how it reinforced the right behavior? And how it is similar to humans or related to children? Your examples are good but do explain it don't just name it. Same explanation needed for negative reinforcement. Like saying this kind of electric shots scared them and with repeated exposure, they stopped doing the mistake. I hope , you were able to explain it now.

Such approach can be used when teaching children good behavior.(We cannot give children electric shocks. So tell us why this approach for humans and what punishment could be there for children?

Does this give a perfect reason for teachers and parents to punish children? (I don't think there is the need to ask this question in the essay? Why you mentioned this?)

. It is necessary to acknowledge them who is the boss(Ok, try to use formal language here but not casual, it will seems cruel for teachers then;)) You just need to relate your sentences with one another, don't repeat the words more than once like using reinforcement so many times. Try to use new words. Your knowledge skills and understanding of the prompt is good. Your writing is good too, just need to refine it:) Hope this helps:)
adrian21 15 / 17 3  
Mar 15, 2016   #3
Hello kuanchinchin
Let me give my opinion about your essay

Punishment on children has always been on debates when speaking of early year education.

Your 1st paragraph is too short. You should include the introduction and state your agreement or disagreement. This will help the reader to read your body paragraph in an easier way

Thank you
bottles 3 / 16  
Mar 17, 2016   #4
Hello kuanchinchin,

Let me give you some opinions on your essay.

1). Your first paragraph is too short; first paragraph should include background introduction and thesis statement.

2). Your essay lacks cohesion and coherence. For example, in second paragraph, what you have stated in the essay: "Positive reinforcement, also known as rewarding, is to give the animal positive feedback such as treats to reinforce the right behaviour. Therefore , negative reinforcement, also known as punishment, ..." is wrong. There is no causality between "positive reinforcement" and "negative reinforcement". Likewise, in the next paragraph, you may also want to improve the flow.

3). There are some grammar mistakes in this passage. For example, " I prefer to compliment children when they behave well and to use comparison among peers. ".

4). This passage didn't respond the question very well. According to the guidance, students need to answer
a. "To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion" --- this essay didn't say too much on it.
b. "What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?" ---- this essay has only talked about some approaches that can be used on teaching young people, but there is no evidence which shows that what kind of punishment, do you think, can be used to teach children.

5). Never raise questions in IELTS academic writing task.

Thanks,
bottles


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