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Decisions of children - parents? - IELTS TASK 2 essay, review

prachirai 1 / -  
Dec 3, 2019   #1

kids choices issue

Some people think that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters such as food, clothes and entertainment is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is a widely held perception in many parts of the world today that allowing children to make their own decisions regarding the mundane tasks will eventually result in a society where individuals are selfish. However, some people also opine that it is paramount that children make their own decision in matters that affects them. The issue of whether children should be allowed to make their own decisions or not is certainly a contentious one. In the following essay, I will discuss both these views and come to a conclusion.

First of all, for a person to become independent and confident, it is significant that the decision making skills are instilled in them since a young age. For example, a child who plans to study abroad in the future will face problems if he/she is dependent on his/her family even for quotidian matters likes food, clothing etc. However, if children are allowed a say in the decisions that affect them, it will make them more strong and self-assured.

Nevertheless, if parents provide too much freedom of choice to children, it might spoil them. They might grow up to become self-centred adults and might refuse to acknowledge anyone else's wish. It is generally seen that when children are not monitored when they are young, they turn out to be rebellious teenagers.

By way of conclusion, I reaffirm my position that children should indeed be allowed to make decisions but parents must monitor these choices and help to inculcate modest values in them. A balance must be there to make sure that we are not creating a selfish society.

roswita116 16 / 37 17  
Dec 4, 2019   #2
Hi, there. I would like to give you some feedback about your writing.😁😁

Your writing is well-structured which including introduction, 2 body paragraphs and conclusion.
And you talked about both views and gave your own opinion in the end which fully answered the task.

However, I would like to point out that some words are not appropriate for the academic writing. For example, you should not write "etc", instead, you should write " and so on" in academic writing.

Furthermore, I found out that in your writing, you rarely use linking words between sentences. I just found out that you used "However" twice and "Nevertheless" once in total 4 paragraphs. If you can utilize linking words properly, your writing will be more coherent.

Hope my advice could help.😁😁

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