We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow? (800 word limit)
"I hope that America as a whole, and especially its architects, will become more seriously involved in producing a new architectural culture that would bring the nation to the apex-where it has stood before-and lead the world." This quote by Tadao Ando, a Japanese architect, describes where I want my aspirations to lead me. I want my creative hand to partake in the production of architecture that will rebuild our country. In spite of my inferiorities, going into a predominantly male industry, where African American women constitute a meager 0.1 percent, I believe that I have what it takes to achieve my goals. Furthermore, despite the funding of my college education, and the lack there of; and beating the odds of my family's unmoving social mobility; I have grown to realize that unfortunate financial circumstances should not hinder you from pursuing your dreams.
My parents, like most any, have always tried to provide the best for me. As a child, while living in Detroit, Michigan, whose public education system has continued to plummet, my parents kept me enrolled in religious-affiliated private schools throughout my elementary school years. The financial sacrifice to pay for my tuition lasted until I reached junior high school, when my siblings were old enough to attend school. My family then decided to move to Southfield, a safer, more suburban environment. There, I was enrolled into their public school system, which was not as deficient as Detroit, but adequate enough for me to get a quality education. However, by the time I completed my first year of high school, I was in another school district. Due to Oakland County's School of Choice, I could remain living where I was and attend high school in a better school system.
I was enrolled into Clawson High School, outside of the African American community, where my aspirations began to form. Through taking art class and talks with my counselor, I concluded that I wanted to do something with my artist talent. Nevertheless, my mother's occupation in real estate is what got me interested in houses, buildings, and other structures. After many years of visiting houses with my mother, I became engrossed with helping my mother renovate houses. Also, my fascination led me to watching shows like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and the HGTV network. I became so inspired by the way these shows would change peoples' lives, and support families in their adverse circumstances, that I declared I wanted to do that someday. Envisioning my designs being built to improve society and change the lives of others, I knew that architecture was meant to be my field of study. After discussing it with my counselor, I signed up to take a construction class, along with an advanced art course, for my senior year. I wanted it to be known that this was something I was serious about pursuing. Therefore, once I commenced my search for colleges my junior year, I began looking at schools with profound architecture programs; however, discouragement began settle upon me.
With the stress of my last year of high school approaching-application deadlines, searching for scholarships, wondering apprehensively how my college education will be funded, all while hoping that it will not affect where I will be able to attend college, and praying that I will not have to take out the dreaded student loans-I began to grow weary. However, with my mother's unceasing encouragement and rigid expectations for my future, I remind myself that my dreams are much bigger than my circumstances, and I must work hard to attain them. In order to achieve my goals, from being the first in my family to go off to college, to becoming an astute architect that will "produce a new architectural culture", I must remain confident in my abilities, and not let the odds defeat me.
May I ask what school this is for?
The essay is adequate for the question, but it doesn't really draw the reader in, nor does it creatively answer the question. Most people steer clear of quotes to introduce their essays because although they relate to the essay, they can quickly bore the reader. In my opinion I should be reading your story instead of getting your story read to me, if that makes sense. You mentioned your financial instabilities, and constant relocation, and these are good points to put in an essay like this, but an essay like this could really use visuals. How did the hallways of Clawson High School look? What did they make you feel?
Also the last paragraph lacks substance. Feels like you're listing information. Just dig a little deeper okay?
