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Defiantly, our parents have a depth and direct effect in the whole of our life.


abcdefgh 5 / 21 3  
Jan 12, 2013   #1
parents are the best teacher? do you agree or not?

Defiantly, our parents have a depth and direct effect in the whole of our life. Unfortunately, some of them don't be regarded as the best teacher; they neglect and ignore their responsibility about their child. They consider affording requirement stuff of children is just their responsible. The following paragraphs, I will indicate how parents are best teacher in distinction stages of our growing.

In the initial of our life, they train our physical skill and our Main personal figure in this time. We should know to our personal have inherent and acquire original. In the Inherent personal, they don't have direct role, whereas in the acquire personal. They teach us how to encounter with problem, they favor us distinguish a polite and impolite behavior, how to communicate with other, encourage and prepare a appropriate situation us to pursue our interested dream. Within this stage, we are prepared to reach the real world which its external seems attractively and its internal is frightened and hard.

In the stage of teenager and younger , now we reach to the real world, but we cannot continue without our parents' supportiveness. They know exactly that their teenager should achieve qualified to live alone and safe. They provide us with useful advice in according to their experience. If we are in the wrong way, they struggle to point out a direction in our way life. They sacrifice their whole life to us that live in way to love it. we owe to our parents

In conclusion,. Maybe they are not the best teacher in whole of our life but undoubtedly, they lead us through a real destiny. Consciously and unconsciously they are effective to our mental maturation and broaden our perspective in our favorite future

In the initial of our life, they train our physica

ptlove4ever 2 / 2 1  
Jan 13, 2013   #2
I think maybe you have not finished your essay. The length of this essay is not enough.
And this sentence is fragmentary

They sacrifice their whole life to us that live in way to love it(Which is it refers to ?). we owe to our parents

I hope you can improve it to a higher level. Hope my advice will help you~ Good luck!
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 13, 2013   #3
nfortunately, some of them don't be regarded as the best teacher; they neglect and ignore their responsibility about their child. They consider affording requirement stuff of children is just their responsible.

I think these lines go a bit out of the topic. The topic is about whether parents are the best teachers or not. It does not speak about their parental responsibilities. As per the topic even the best parents who care for their children endlessly, may not be the best teachers for their children when the teaching aspects and abilities are concerned. You need to tackle this topic that way!
headshot0313 7 / 15 1  
Jan 13, 2013   #4
The TOEFL essay is too short I think. You may elongate your third paragraph..
joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Jan 13, 2013   #5
Hai..

You have some good points..
Inherent personal===> not clear..(:
All the best..
Tessy
OP abcdefgh 5 / 21 3  
Jan 14, 2013   #6
hello dumi thank you to check my writting . do my structre of sentences is good?what is my score in tofel?
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 14, 2013   #7
do my structre of sentences is good?

Well, what I notice throughout your essay is that you tend to include many new key words, but they are not the appropriate words most of the time. For example;

They consider affording requirement stuff of children is just their responsible.

"requirement stuff" is not a correct usage and the reader gets confused by such phrases. You can say this in a simpler way;

Some parents consider that providing the basic requirements to their children is their only responsibility.

The following paragraphs, I will indicate how parents are best teacher in distinction stages of our growing.

"indicate"(point out) is not the appropriate word here. It's too narrow in meaning to be used here. Also "distinction stages" does not mean anything. It's a very confusing phrase :(

I suggest you to start writing simple sentences with the words you are very confident. Also read other good essays in this forum that help you get familiar with the vocabulary usage and essay points.


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