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The deficiency of social value leads to the global loss of cultural identity


irhame 52 / 50 25  
Oct 1, 2015   #1
As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity.

To what extend do you agree or disagree?


Answer:

In this decade, public communications and transports are growing dramatically. As such, this condition inevitably leads to globalization. Many fear that globalization will affect human-cultural identity to be permanent lost. I partly agree with this statement.

The main reason why these two services lead to diminish valuable-cultural identity is less social value, because a wide range of mass communications and transports have fulfilled their social needs without need to ask others any more. A research from Cambridge University reveals that 80% consumers of public services have less skill to make a good culture. As a result, they do not need help from other people. Therefore, global communication and transportation play a big role change characteristic of civilizations.

Those kinds of civic services, however, do not merely loosing human traditions, but also improve quality of human way of life. People can be easier doing their daily activities such as easy to keep in touch and also easy to move from a place to another place faster.

To sum up, even though today sharp increase has shown by these two mass services, they give positive impacts as well for communities. It will happen if people in society can suit their traditional culture with public sophisticated technology services. Where possible, government should make some crucial regulations according to this worrying problem from deteriorating further.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 1, 2015   #2
Irham, I absolutely love that you were able to cite a reliable source for your percentage data. If you receive a similar essay prompt during your actual test and you manage to do that again, I assure that you will impress the examiner, which will be a benefit for you because you not only prove that you understand the prompt, but that you are actually a wider English reader who is capable of creating cohesive thoughts based in facts. An excellent quality in a future student. However, your essay has some grammar problems you should take note of. Please refer to the corrected versions below.

will affect human-cultural identity AND CAUSE IT to be permanent lost. - Please note the use of connector words.

The main reason why these two services LEADS to A DIMINISHED valuable-cultural identity is less social value

fulfilled their social needs without THE need to ask others FOR PERMISSION any more.

that 80% OF consumers of public services have less skill to HELP DEVELOP a good culture

global communication and transportation PLAYS a big role IN CHANGING THE CHARACTERISTICS of civilizations.

do not merely CONTRIBUTE TO LOSING human traditions - connector words and spellcheck needed

improve THE quality of THE human way of life.

PLAYS a big role IN CHANGING THE CHARACTERISTICS of civilizations. - Please note the connector words and pluralization of the words.

People can be easier doing their daily activities such as easy to keep in touch and also easy to move from a place to another place faster.

- PEOPLE CAN EASILY DO THEIR ACTIVITIES AND KEEP IN TOUCH SINCE IT IS EASIER AND FASTER TO MOVE FROM PLACE TO PLACE.
-The thought process needed clarification.

even though today THERE IS A sharp increasehas AS shown by these two mass services,

they give A positive impacts as well for communities.

Where possible, government should make some crucial regulations according to this worrying problem from deteriorating further.
- WHERE POSSIBLE, THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD MAKE SOME CRUCIAL REGULATIONS MEANT TO PREVENT THIS SITUATION FROM DETERIORATING FURTHER.
- Thought clarification.


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