It is universally accepted that there are a lot of causes of deforestation. First and foremost, population explosion all over the world is one of the major factors affecting deforestation. The birth rate has increased in a rapid way, whereas the death rate is declining. In other words, we need more food products to meet our demand. As a result, a huge amount of trees and plants are fell down in order to grow crops and cattle. In addition, over-population means that more lands are required to establish housing and settlements. If the crop produce is low, human beings have to cultivate more, which leads to further encroachment on forestland. The second point is involved in logging. That wood industries like paper or furniture demand a substantial amount of timber results in tree chopping as well. Furthermore, that loggers build roads to access more and more remote forests leads to further deforestation. Briefly stated, deforestation is the consequence of both population growth and unlimited logging.
Hi, and welcome to the EssayForum (EF), Yen! We are here to help all members to enhance their writing. Without further ado, let's have a look on your essay.
Firstly, the above essay looks simple and readable. I like the way of how the ideas connected from one sentence to each other by using some transitional words. Be careful with using transitional words because improper and overly used the words impact to one's essay. To improve your writing further, you may consider the following notes:
- "...trees and plants are fellcut down in order to..."
- "ThatW ood industries like paper or furniture..." (It is inappropriate to start the sentence with word "That")
Hope this helps! Good luck with your practice!
Hi there, your writing is great but there are some correction for you in order to be better.
... of trees and plants are fell (cut ) down in
That wood industries like (...) amount of timber (which ) results in tree chopping as well
that (The ) loggers build roads
forests (which ) leads to further
Thanks.
Hi there, let me give some suggestion to you:
First and foremost , population explosion(...) is one of the major factors affecting deforestation
1) You doing REPETITION for emphasizing your idea. In the beginning you already said "foremost" and you said again with "major factors". So, i think it is enough to select one oft them.
The birth ratehas increased in a rapid way, whereas the death rate is declininghas declined
2) Look at the form, you already use present perfect, so it mus be followed by present perfect too
3) REPETITION. You can change death rate into the level of death / the amount of people's death
