Topic: Increasing the price of the petrol is the best way to solve the growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?
Essay:
Since the Industrial Revolution in 18th century, following the internal combustion engine invention, worldwide population has increased significantly reaching nearly 7 billion people at the beginning of 2016. Due to the overpopulation, the demand of transportation is higher that leads to many chronic issues human has faced, namely environmental degradation and growing traffic in various metropolises. To tackle these problems, many experts propose the higher price to fuel operation of transport. However, I believe this suggestion is not feasible.
There are many reasons that prevent higher petrol prices from solving these problems. Firstly, almost universal citizens uses the vehicle carrying engine which uses the gasoline for running. Thus, it may be impossible that residents could find the substitution for replacing petrol in spite of its expensive prices. For example, according to a recent survey in 2011 in US, approximately 75% of American people claimed that they would keep using their private automobiles despite the government doubled the cost of gasoline since it is hard for them to find the alternative moving ways. Secondly, the causes of environmental pollution do not only come from cars' byproduct but also the other factors. In terms of overpopulation, it has affected on the environment detrimentally. Extremely crowded population would pressure on natural resources. Exhausted them tend to results in air pollution, water pollution. The particular examples for this is Singapore. Singaporean government has imported the sand from Cambodia for expand the land on the sea surface and Cambodia has suffered the devastating consequences on environment.
As a result, increase the fuel cost is not the best way to address those problems. Therefore, government need other solutions for dealing with growing traffic and environmental problems. First, they should take measure to foster the knowledge of citizens on family planning so as to control the newborn baby. Second, developing and less developed country should adapt to the technology in developed one so that they can enhance their transportation quality and reduce the poverty-stricken rate.
In conclusion, growing traffic and problems related to environment are pressing issues of many countries over the world. Thus, governments and international organizations make contribution to handle and improve the Earth's quality.
Hi Tran, as I read through the essay, I must say, you manage to express your point of view to the topic at hand, you elaborated credible aspects that led to the issues that humans are facing these days, however, as the beginning of the essay is strong, this was not carried our through out the essay.
Having said that, please find the corrections below;
- As a result, increaseincreasing the fuel
- cost is not the best way to address thosethis problems. - Therefore,the government need
- other solutions forin dealing
- with the growing traffic
- First, tT hey should take measure
- the newborn babypopulation growth that could lead to further issues .
- SecondFurthermore , developing
- and less developed countrycountries should
- used in developed onecountries so
- In conclusion,the growing traffic and problems
- countries all over the world.
- improve the Earth's quality of life here on Earth .
There you have it Tran, I hope the above corrections further developed your essay. For future writing reference, you have to know and properly place the right linking verb that will complete the thought of the sentence and for the batter part or the last part of the essay, avoid the process of enumerating examples such as labeling them with "first", "second" and so forth, at this point of the essay, enumerations are not the best way to elaborate your examples, you can either foster them as solutions or as answers to the issue at hand.
