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IELTS-GT: Our Dependency on computers, & computer's use in future.


Naveed786 8 / 21 4  
Apr 15, 2014   #1
Dear Friends,
I would be grateful if you could review my essay from all perspective, including " Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, grammar, etc.Kindly give me a band rating as well.

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?

Technology has progressed considerably along with the past decades. Scientists have never stopped working hard to explore the nature and bring new inventions to this world. In the field of technology, the remarkable achievement of scientists is the invention of computer.

First of all, many of us would agree that computers have made our life easier and faster in every aspect whether at personal or professional level. For instance, people working at office use computer for several things like sending emails internally and externally, creating reports, presentations, etc. The pilots are flying airplanes with the help of predefined programs loaded in computers that has minimized human intervention. People working at sensitive fields like intelligence or police department, utilize computers for several purposes including surveillance activities, identifying criminal record history from vast data base system and monitoring city outskirts.etc. This would never have been possible without invention of computers. It can surely be predicted the way technology is progressing, in future computers will be contributing major role in the life of bio technology. Where speculation is that a small computerized micro chip can be inserted in human brain to enable him to store and remember every piece of information correctly. It is also quite possible that in-case of any medical illness, human body parts could be replaced with computerized robotic technology that would enable him to live in healthy and independent state without being in turmoil and handicapped condition.

However, if computer will be dominated over most of the things, people will start losing their jobs as organizations would prefer to have more computers to perform same type of job in faster and quicker way and lay off employees for cost cutting purpose. In this way, our society may have adverse affect and people may become frustrated and crime rate may increase beyond our expectation. This can be controlled with proper planning and exploring the options where computers dependencies on human can also be ensure and provide equal employment opportunities for human being.

To conclude, I would say that computer contribution to our life has extremely been helpful and useful. Predicting future, we can assume that computers will play a vital role in bringing the lost health and happiness to those who are unable to enjoy their life due to any health constraint.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Apr 15, 2014   #2
Well , you have not adequately introduced the background of your prompt which is;
OP Naveed786 8 / 21 4  
Apr 15, 2014   #3
Overall, Pahan how would you rate my essay and overall how it is written.

Will you also please help me to write a introduction with adequate information as per prompt.

Thanks in advance
Abdurasul 32 / 86 4  
Apr 15, 2014   #4
Kindly give me a band rating as well.

We can't give you definitive band scores. If we do, you will put a great deal of trust on us, If we do give you band scores that are not reflected in your eventual IELTS test results, you may well build up unrealistic expectations, and ultimately, disappointment for you.

We focus on recommending ways how you can improve your different skills - that is a much more useful way to help you to improve your language ability and therefore, your test results.

If you want to take IELTS exam as early as possible, please pay particular attention to grammar and whole points in the table of IELTS writing descriptors.
- eddies

Technology has progressed considerably along with the past decades. Scientists have never stopped working hard to explore the nature and bring new inventions to this world. In the field of technology, the remarkable achievement of scientists is the invention of computer.

Well, this is not really aligned with your topic though it has some relevance to it
OP Naveed786 8 / 21 4  
Apr 16, 2014   #5
Dear Abdurasul,

Thanks for your positive feedback. I appreciate your suggestion. The problem I always find is how to write a striking introduction of essay so most of the times it seems I end up not writing to the point. Would you like to help me on this particular one by writing a good introduction.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Apr 16, 2014   #6
Hey, this body para is too lengthy. It might put you in trouble at the exam as this task is time bound and you need to complete your essay within 30 mins


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