island transformation
The maps show the transformation of an island before and after the construction of some tourism facillities.
Overall, the changes occurred on most parts of the island, about two third its length.
The most dramatic changes happened on the west side and the center of the island with many bungalows built around the trees, which were there originally and remained intact after the construction. Also, a pier was built on the south coast.
The beach in the far west was turned into a swimming area when more than half of the east side stayed unchanged. There is a vehicle track from the pier to the restaurant on the north side and the reception located at the center of the island. For accessing to the accommodations, footpaths are available all around each bungalow.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 Alice, due to the mechanical nature of your essay, you cannot score higher than a 5 with this work. The essay only represents the clear information from the illustrations provided. Your comparison is incomplete and does not provide a complete idea of how the transformations on the island occurred. It was important for your essay that you properly compared and contrasted the illustrations. An explanation of the before and after images would have been more than appropriate for this discussion. If you will recall the instructions for this prompt, you were to make comparisons where it was applicable. However, there was no comparison made in your essay. Instead of having the expected 4 paragraph discussion, you only have 2 paragraphs and one underdeveloped summary overview. It is because of the lack of proper discussion in the essay that you provided which led to the score of 5 in the overall consideration of your work.
@thien_my
I love the topic for discussion sounds good and your write up good but also brief.
There are some essay write up on IELTS in the thread. Type IELTS and threads on the topic would come up for you to look through that will aid your own write up. Important summary I have been told should point back to the topic of discussion and recapture the reader's mind. Hopefully this helps!
Hai. @thien_my
You wrote only about 130 words on your essay which is too short for IELTS Writing Task 1. You need to write at least 150 words for task 1.
There are some grammatical errors too such as : most dramatic changes happened on the west side and the center of the island with many bungalows built (were built) around the trees...
Then, you need to use some cohesive devices in order to achieve best mark on your CC (coherence and cohesion). Afterwards, it will be better if you make a transitional word/sentence before moving to the third paragraph so you can show a smooth transition.
I hope it can be useful, thanks!
Hi Alice, welcome to Essay Forum. This is a useful medium for improving your writing skill so that you harness this as well as possible.
I have read your writing closely and found a few major mistaken. Firstly, you have missed one of essential requirements. Keep in your mind that you have to produce at least 150 words in the writing task 1. A penalty will be given in scoring this writing. I think you can explore more information about the diagram above. After that, you are supposed to arrange your paragraphs systematically. In the first paragraph, that is filled by the paraphrase of the question, and your summary about the information which you are gonna review in the body paragraph. Following this, I remind you that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. I hope you tackle those problems.
Then, you should use the present tense for describing the data because there was a specific period so that this matter is considered as the fact. Turning the specific of your data in the body paragraph, I have met the sense of the writing task 1. As we know, our job in the writing task 1 is to compare two pictures. You have tended to describe the after condition solely although you have to include previous surface.
Hopefully, those suggestions can help you. GOOD LUCK
@ainunazwaria
Hi, thank you for your comment. But about the built or was built, I was trying to use a shortened version of which is built. Did I use it right?
