ielts writing: Describe a city that you have visited (Ha Noi)

my impression of Ha Noi

Ha Noi is capital of Vietnam, located in centre south west of Red River Delta, which is a thousand years land with many magical scenery and beauty cultural is nowhere to be found. Up to now, I have been to Hanoi for 4 months. People in this land of thousand years of civilization was known as the people who friendly, elegant, hospitable and rich in kind. They are very friendly and helpful, especially when you are a foreign tourist and you astray or get in trouble. Everyone will be available to help you. Ha Noi is the city which has many tourist destination with morden beauty mixed with ancient traditions such as Lotte Tower Hanoi, The Temple of Literature, ... Ha Noi street food is quite attractive and interesting with a good deal of delicious food such as Pho, Bun Cha (Vermicelli Noodle with Grilled Pork) which is voted as the one of the most delicious dishes in VietNam, ... Cross the road is the hardest challenge for new residents and tourists like me. Don't think a bout waiting for vehicles to stop, forget about the pedestrian crossing and forget about the traffic lights. All you need to do when crossing the street don't be afraid, go slowly, you can raise your hand to signal to others that you are crossing the street;when you step down the street, you have to move, and must not stop; be careful not to step out of the front of the bus. Like a miracle, you will cross the road safely without a scratch. In Ha Noi, traffic jam is a specialty. On rush our, the road crowd with car and motorbike that you can't move. I had to stand looking at the school gate of my school 5m for 1 hour and stand listening to the car feel the heat from the car engine and could not enter the school because of the traffic jam. However, Ha Noi is a bustling city with many attractive sights that you should visit once.

The first thing you have to correct with this essay is the format. You cannot write an effective descriptive essay in one paragraph. Since the paragraphs cover different facets of the city and its description, you should divide it into paragraphs. That way it will be easier for the reader to keep track of the information provided. It helps to prevent reader fatigue.

While the grammar in the essay is not really correct and the sentence formation needs improvement, the information provided is not confusing to the reader. It still makes sense and the information provided can be deciphered by the reader. While there may be some confusion as to the references made, it is safe to say that the essay will still be seen as understandable. However, the problems with information presentation will reduce certain specific sectional scores. I suggest that you continue to work on sentence building exercises to help you improve your thought presentations.

As for punctuation usage, please avoid using 2 punctuation marks simultaneously in the paragraphs. English writing rules dictate the use of only one punctuation mark per sentence, unless it is a comma being used to enumerate related items or topics. Specifically, ellipses cannot be followed by a comma and vice versa in a sentence presentation.

The essay is descriptive enough and enjoyable to read. It is informative and engages the senses of the reader. That said, the aforementioned errors should be corrected in future writing tasks to improve the sectional scores.

Hi! At this sentence, "you can raise your hand to signal to others that you are crossing the street". It much better if you replace with "and raise your hand to give signal ..... the road".

@tsyiaa99 thanks a lot