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Describe your grandmother who is important to you (150 words)


quynhtranghbt 1 / 2  
Nov 12, 2010   #1
Topic: Describe your grandmother (100-150 words)
My grandmother is very important to me even though she was pushing up the daisies two years ago. As my grandfather said, when she was young, she was the most beautiful girl in her village that many boys want to flirt with her. Especially she had glistening eyes like the water in the autumn. When she grew old, she was also very hale and hearty. She had a gorgeous long pepper-and-salt hair that everyone praised it. She was slim but healthy because of doing exercise. Consequently, although she was almost 75 years old, she could still do many household chores and do the garden. She cooked many nutritious tasty meals for our family and planted many various colorful flower. She really loved her grandchildren. She was the most generous person that I've met. She always listened to the grandchildren and understood us. When we had the difficulties, she gave us many pieces of advice and helped us to overcome that. I really love her and she will be always on my mind.
PinkPanther_01 1 / 3  
Nov 12, 2010   #2
Especially because she had glistening eyes like the water in the autumn.

She was slim but healthy because she enjoyed exercising

She cooked many nutritious tasty meals for our family and planted many various colorful flowers

u should also try posting what the assignment was about...
dxtania 2 / 2  
Nov 12, 2010   #3
As my grandfather said, when she was young, she was the most beautiful girl in her village and many boys want to flirt with her.

She had a gorgeous long pepper-and-salt hair that everyone praised it .

She was slim yet healthy

She cooked many nutritious, tasty meals

She always listened to the grandchildren and understood us. When we had the difficulties, she gave us many pieces of advice and helped us to overcome them .

These are a few things I think should be fixed besides the ones pink panther pointed out.
Another thing - maybe you shouldn't start so many sentences with she? My best advice would be show don't tell. Hope I helped
OP quynhtranghbt 1 / 2  
Nov 14, 2010   #4
thank you for your advice, but I don't understand your advice that I shouldn't start so many sentences with "she", what subject should I use? and what should I do to show and don't tell as you said, can you give me an example. Thanks a lot!!!!^^
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 21, 2010   #5
When people say show, don't tell, it means you should not make a claim when you could instead give an example.
For example, instead of saying, "She was the most generous person that I've met," you can tell about some act of generosity.

Mostly, you gave description. I wonder if the information you give in the essay is actually the most important information for explaining the effect she has on your life.

What is the most important sentence you could give me to tell me how she is going to affect you?

Also, do not say she was pushing up daisies! That seems insensitive.
:-)

I


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