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Describe a person from your past you would like to see again, and explain why


Effe 1 / -  
May 12, 2013   #1
I'm working to improve my writing, for which I self-study using Virginia Evans' "Successful writing" (preparation material for CPE writing section).
I would greatly appreciate your critics about the style and content, as well as suggestions on how this essay can be improved to become more advanced.

Describe a person from your past you would like to see again, and explain why.

1. Introduction to the person
2. Describe person / relationship and what I liked about him / her
3. The reasons why I would like to see him / her again (1,2)
4. Conclusion

I met Katsuko when I was working at KPMG Russia several years ago. New York office of the firm sent her to Moscow for an assignment in our department dealing with the same type of services that is mergers and acquisitions. As Katsuko was sitting next to me in the office, we have got to know each other fairly well.

Katsuko seemed very interesting to me. I enjoyed going out for lunch with her and having lengthy discussions on various topics. Being originally from Japan, Katsuko would tell me astonishing stories about the customs in her home country. In particular, she was vividly describing family dinners where traditional Japanese dishes, rather bizarre even to her taste, were served. Katsuko was also going into detail about New York, where she lived at the time. In my turn, I informed her about the peculiarities of life in Moscow. Once I was particularly surprised when Katsuko told me that she found Moscow cleaner than New York. I had been to New York a year before and, on the contrary, it appeared much neater to me than my home city.

Katsuko came across as a very sympathetic and intelligent person. She was also inquisitive about the city news and local customs. For instance, Katsuko read an article in "The Moscow Times" about the phenomenon of an annual two-week cutoff of hot water supply in Russia and, in particular, Moscow. The article notably mentioned that because the cutoffs did not occur simultaneously around the city, those deprived of hot water went visiting their friends, who lived in the city areas retaining the hot water supply, to take a shower. On the day I complained to Katsuko that I had the hot water supply in my household interrupted, she readily proposed to come to her place and use her bathroom. Although I did not make use of Katsuko's offer, I was deeply touched by her compassion.

Unfortunately, when I left KPMG, I lost Katsuko's contacts and, even though I searched various social networks, I was not able to retrieve them.

To conclude, I have very fond memories about the time spent together with Katsuko, and I would like to meet her again and renew our friendship.
dumi 1 / 6924 1592  
May 12, 2013   #2
I met Katsuko when I was working at KPMG Russia several years ago. New York office of the firm sent her to Moscow for an assignment in our department dealing with the same type of services that is mergers and acquisitions. As Katsuko was sitting next to me in the office, we have got to know each other fairly well.

... Well... I feel you have not introduced your friend enough in this paragraph. Tell the reader about her background more. This is what I suggest;

My friend Katsuko is a Japanese girl whom I met when I was working at KPMG Russia several years ago. She was sent to our department from the New York Head Office on an assignment dealing with services for mergers and acquisitions. She and I were sitting next to each other and therefore we formed a strong friendship very soon. She is also about my age and ???????? (Tell a little more about her)


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