Hello
I really need your help because in a week I have an exam at English and I have to describe some graphs.
Here is an example of a description of a graph an table made by me :
Te main topic of the graph and table is society and social issues. They show the people found guilty or cautioned in 2000 as a percentage of a population by gender and age, in England and Wales.
As it can be seen from the graph the number of the 18-year-old male offenders reached a peak of over 7 percent of all. While the number of the 20-year-old females found guilty or cautioned had the highest level of approximately 2 percent, which ...
The main topic o the graph and table is society and social issues. They show the people found quilty or cautioned in 2000 as a percentage of population by gender and age, in England and Wales.The percentage of commited crimes increased dramatically and sharply in the same time, in that period of time. As a consequence, both human beings and society itself wre drastically affected, becoming much more violent in various types of offence. These facts are shown by the statistics made during that year.
The graph shows very clearly that during 2000 year, the males committed far more crimes in contrast to females. For example, the number of 18-year-old male offenders reached a peak of 7 percent of all. While the number of females found quilty or cautioned had the hiest level of approximately 2 percent, which means almost three times less than the percentage of male offenders. But after the age of 20, the number of both genders declined steadily.
As can be seen from the graph, with age(i mean the people who are getting older and older, i don't remember the specific collocation) females found quilty or cautioned committed less and less/ fewer and fewer crimes. In comparison to 20-year-old femlae offenders, 30-year-old female offenders had an almost insignificant number of committed crimes, such as 0.5 per cent. Also male offenders with age committer fewer and fewer crimes, so that there was a tiny percentage of people being 70 years and over committed a crime.
In England and Wales there were recorded many types of offence suring the period 1991 and 2001. The number of these types of offence was unfortunately very high, especially the number of thefts. The statistics from the table indicate the fact that between 1991 and 2001 the number of thefts including car thefts was dramatically higher than the number of the other crimes. Over the period of 1991-2001 the total number of thefts stood at just 2 million. Between 1991 and 2001 there was an overall decrease in the number of recorded crimes.
Taking everything into consideration the percentage of the number of both offenders and types of offence decreased after 2000.
It seems to me that this description is simple. I do not know which are the rules.
They said to me that it is advisable to:
- divide your report into paragraphs
- end your report with one or two sentences summarising the most important trends
- use a range of grammatical structures and vocabulary
- use formal language
- use linking words or phrases between sentences and paragraphs were appropriate
- vary the way you describe figures by using percentages, functions and ratios
I think it is a little bit colourless . Should I add some colour? because I can do that, if is neccessary.
thank you
You should add some analysis in between the facts, or some general commentary so you're not just listing off numbers.
thank you
I will work on it and I will write it here again so that you could tell me if is good or not...
Have a good day !
Well, it is not your fault... it's hard to write in an interesting way about a graph!!!
The main topic of the graph and table is society and social issues. They show the people found guilty or cautioned in 2000 as a percentage of a population by gender and age, in England and Wales. (add a sentence that tells a THEME that comes to mind for you.. an observation you make about the graph. What does it tell you about human nature or about these societies?
As it can be seen from the graph, the number of the 18-year-old male offenders reached a peak of over 7 percent of all, wh ile the number of the 20-year-old females found guilty or cautioned had the highest level of approximately 2 percent, which means...
I see that yo just list the facts told on the graph, but I think you should do something more. Write an introduction paragraph that tells about that THEME, but then write 2 or 3 body paragraphs, and make each body paragraph about one IDEA that supports your THEME. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that tells the paragraph's idea:
One general observation that can be made is that males commit more crimes than females. As can be seen from the graph the number of the 18-year-old male ...less than the percentage of male offenders.
(end of body paragraph 1, start body paragraph 2)
:-)
thanks a lot... :) you really helped me...so, I have a lot of work to do...keep in touch]
have a great day
hey ;)
I've made come changes. what is your opinion?
Now the description is too long. I have to write 150 words.
P.S. :English is not my first language therefore sometimes i make mistakes :D
thanx again
Yes, it must be tough to write in a second language. I know only one language...
Use a spell checker...
I see lots of spelling errors...
They show the people found quilty guilty or cautioned in 2000 as a percentage of population by gender and age, in England and Wales.The percentage of committed crimes increased dramatically and sharply in at the same time, in that period of time.
The graph shows very clearly that during 2000 year, the males committed far more crimes in contrast to than females. --- always use fewer words when you can.
While the number of females found quilty guilty or cautioned had the highest level of approximately 2 percent, which ...
As can be seen from the graph, with age(i mean the people who are getting older and older, i don't remember the specific collocation) females found quilty or cautioned committed less and less/ fewer and fewer crimes. Females are cautioned and found guilty less often then men, and older women are also found guilty and cautioned less than younger women. In comparison to ...
You are writing very well. Now start practicing to write as if each piece of writing is a gift, wrapped perfectly and presented thoughtfully. When you write a piece, write it with a sense of the purpose you want to achieve. Start with a sentence that expresses your main idea. Then, explain it. Then, say it again.
:-)
Now that I am looking at my description, I can see that I've made some spelling errors. The point is that for most of them I know the correct spelling, but I was writing very fast and I wasn't paying attention. I was in a hurry because I had to catch a train. I'm gonna work on it.
Thank you a lot for advice.
good luck!
;)
