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Essay on describing MY REGULAR WALK


winwin 1 / 5  
Feb 20, 2010   #1
I just got a task to decribe my regular walk for 2 minutes. The requirements are where you take the walk, who is with you and explain what you see and think of during the walk.

I might seem easy to the others but not for me. By the way, I am Chinese. However, describing the rountine of my walk has been the biggest problem for me. I just want to write my descriptions down and wait for the comments.

Every evening, I perfer to go for a walk around the building I live. It can help me keep fit and improve my sleep. I start from the front gate of the building. After three right turnings, I return to my flat. Usually, it takes me about 1 hours. At the first sight, right in front the gate, I can see a small park where is always crowded with lots of people, both elders and youngsters. In the park, I can see some old people playing taiqi or dancing yangko and some younsters walking a dog. Then I walk pass by an elementary school called Spring Elementary School. In the first intersection, I turn right seeing a row of Sichuan restaurants along the road. After turning right at the traffic lights, I can see a large fitness center where is pretty famous in my city. Then turn right again, as i walk, I can see a large building of China Bank. After the last right turning, I can see a large Japanese restaurant. After walking for about 100 meters, i am back to home.

As i am walking, I always think about some strange questions like: what will happen to my life if I am a girl? Do my parents love me? Can i make a large sum of money if I open my own business?

Anyway, there are still no answers for my questions.

To me, this walking is pretty important, because it can release my pressure on study and give me a good sleep.

BORE 2 / 8  
Feb 20, 2010   #2
hi
you were comin ok with the 1st paragraph when describing what you see but u said a liitle about what you are thinkin about ,elaborate a bit on that ;own the essay surely much is happening in your mind when you walk alone.try to say something about those people u meet what you think about them.
OP winwin 1 / 5  
Feb 20, 2010   #3
Hi,THOSAGO MABORE.

Frankly speaking, I just feel that something is wrong with my essay.
It is not brief, because just reading it could cost me 5 mins. However, I do not know how to make it shorter and more brief.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Feb 21, 2010   #4
Every evening, I prefer to go for a walk around the building in which I live.

After three right turns , I return to my flat.

After turning right at the traffic lights, I can see a large fitness center that is pretty famous in my city. Then turn right again, as i walk, I can see a large building of China Bank. After the last right turn , I can see a large Japanese restaurant. After walking for about 100 meters, I am back to home.

As I am walking, I always think about some strange questions, like: what will happen to differences are made in my life by the fact that I am a girl? Do my parents love me? Can I make a large sum of money if I open my own business? Anyway, there are still no answers for my questions. ----- excellent!!
OP winwin 1 / 5  
Feb 23, 2010   #5
After three right turns, I return to my flat.

After turning right at the traffic lights, I can see a large fitness center that is pretty famous in my city. Then turn right again, as i walk, I can see a large building of China Bank. After the last right turn, I can see a large Japanese restaurant. After walking for about 100 meters, I am back to home.

EF_Kevin, thanks a lot for your corrections.

However, I just feel that this essay seems way too stupid.
Acutally, it is for a topic in IELTS speaking test. I just wanna prepare it in advance.
However, my regular walking is indeed like this, just like walking in a rectangular way.
You know, start walking from the starting point then then back to the starting point. However, i have no idea to decribe it in a more logicall way.

As I mentioned in the passage, it sounds like a elmentary school student are writing a diary.
I want my essay to be more elegant.

Could you help me?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Feb 24, 2010   #6
Well, it is a simple subject. If I write about walking around a building, or eating a slice of cake, it will seem simple. However, it can also serve as the background for some deep philosophical reflection. I like the way you used this as an opportunity to talk about how you contemplate what life will be like as a girl or whether your parents love you. That makes the essay fascinating.

So, it can be about a walk around the builing and also be about something else -- something very INTROSPECTIVE.

:-)
OP winwin 1 / 5  
Mar 4, 2010   #7
Thank you EF_Kevin,
I got several inspirations on the expression about my writing.
Anyway, I will try more times to make my writing better. So your help is in need then.


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